THE CLOCK IS TICKING

 One of the things on my mind these days is "Do I have a plan?"   Of course---I do not have a crystal ball, but it does not take a genius to figure out I have much less time there is in my future than the time in my past.  I have begun making  a conscious effort to think about and write down--those things I hope to accomplish with the time remaining.  Does this sound narcissistic?  I hope not, because it is not ALL about making me happy---it is more about living in the abundant joy of the blessing of the life God gifted me with.  I know - beyond a shadow of a doubt- if I am not intentional in seeking the joy promised---it will slip away.  So I am on a mission---and plan to write it down for all to see.  You are my accountability partner---please hold my feet to the fire!

My children seem to think I am going to live forever.  When I give them the genetic facts of the lack of longevity in the family tree, they scoff and take a trip down the river of denial.  I am much more pragmatic---and yes, I might make it past the early 80's which is the cap of my genetic time line, but you never know.  I am prepared---and the challenge now becomes how to have as much joy as possible over the time remaining.  I do not sit  around in a state of dread, but I also do not want to flitter away the time remaining.   Yes, I am looking forward to being in the presence of The Father & His Son---but I am certain I should be making the most of the time here.

The first thing that occurred to me was it will take energy to accomplish all I may put on that list.  Lulu Wisdom tells me to grow my energy---I have to expend some energy.  My running days are over---my aches and pains are manageable---but I also need to be kind to my body.  Yes, I walk--at least three times a day---but that is not enough.  Those walks are dictated by Hero's ability to endure on any given day.  He is old too.  Some days are better than others---but he is a tiny dog---and has good days but also bad in his old age.  So those walks are not going to grow my energy.   I began thinking about what I could do that I really enjoy---that also would help me grow my pep and vitality.  What could I do that can be done---anywhere---without special effort or equipment?  What could I do by myself of with others?  WHY I COULD DANCE!  If it was good enough for David to dance for the joy of the Lord, it should be good enough for me. 

There was a day when I absolutely loved cutting a rug---could not get enough of it.  Then, later in life, my dancing was tied to aerobic group exercise.  Depending upon how hard you go at it---it can be a great aerobic workout---to the music you love---at any time of the day or night---with no special outfit or equipment.  Turn my playlist on my cell on and get with it or look up a video on Youtube and follow along with an instructor.  There are countless opportunities and very little to stop me.  Why if I am having a bad day physically--turn on slow and steady and sway with the easy beat.  BUT--on my joy list---part of my plan---unless I am ill---spend time every day dancing.  Dance it out---go with the beat---and enjoy the double benefit of doing something I enjoy---and getting some exercise doing it.  NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!  What a great thing to bring me joy with added benefits.  I am starting today---and hopefully will spend time everyday---dancing in the joy of the Lord.

"Let them praise His name with dancing,"

Psalm 149:3

THERE IS ONLY TODAY

 My thoughts seem to be centered around memories of the past a great deal lately.  As I pondered this, it occurred to me almost all of my dreams (perhaps all--but I cannot remember every dream--only that I dreamed at times) are centered around the past.  People I knew, events that occurred, places I have been, things I have done, and probably at the top of that list, at least recently, has been family.  Our dreams are manifestations of our subconscious when we are sleeping.  (Disclaimer--this is not scientific---only my observation).  SO---a little deductive reasoning---they are part of my past.  Perhaps the events of a particular dream have never occurred, might occur, or did occur, but the cast of our dreams are normally someone we know.  Oh, certainly, I have had a guest appearance by someone not known to me---but the scenario is usually some real thing that has happened or we have thought about.  I have had a handful of dreams---I felt were God sent, but they centered around events and people in my life.  So---follow me--then dreams come from our past---a great deal of the time.

Occasionally I dream about something which could happen.  Those dreams usually come from something I may have dreaded, or obsessed over, or anticipated.  I am dreaming of things to come---not things which are in my past.  It would stand to reason then--that dreams are past and future tense in most cases.  Think that over---how could you dream of the present when you are presently sleeping.

As I mulled this over--it occurred to me we really only have the present ~ the current moment.  Nothing more is promised--there is no guarantee of a future.  SO---I only have today to work with when it comes to leaving any thing of value, importance, or good.  That is a heavy proposition to live with.  If we want to leave this world a better place, influence those in our path, or any other noble and good thing ---the guarantee is there is only today to work with.  That puts a entirely new spin on how I plan to spend my day.  Daunting to say the least.

"Do not boast about tomorrow,

for you do not know what a day may bring."

Proverbs 27:1

NEW BOOK

 A new book review for you today---I love it when I find a real winner.  This book caused me to reflect upon the history I have lived through and the profound effect it has had on all of us.   The author of The Nightingale ,Kristin Hannah, has hit upon a new winner-

You can find this book HERE.  As an Amazon Associate I am required to tell you if you follow my link they may send me a very small payment.  I wish it was enough to buy a cup of coffee--but since coffee has somehow gone up to  $5 a cup---well there is no way.  I do support ministries for the least of these with any compensation which might come my way.

This books is SO intense---I occasionally had to put it down and take a break.  A historical fiction account of a nurse during the Viet Nam war---I relived those years and emotions with each page.  Most of my generation lost someone they knew--perhaps someone they loved during this controversial war.  We all remember the news those days.  This is a recount of those nurses who were on the medical front lines during those years, and  the effect the war had on their lives and, in many ways, an even greater lack of recognition for their sacrifices than the soldiers. (I can write a run on sentence with the best of them!) It touched me deeply.

As I read the book, I came away pondering a deep question.  Was this the beginning of the rage in society which we are still seeing today?  Anger can be a healthy emotion--especially when we use it constructively to bring about change.  Somehow during this long tragic war (military action since there was no declaration of war---definitely semantics!!), the anger over the war spilled over from anger into an all consuming rage.  Rage is not a healthy emotion--and it can lead to  physical harm that detracts from solving the problem.  You might not agree--that is ok.  At many a point while reading, I was left with that burning question---was this the beginning of the overwhelming anger and rage we see in society today?

That was a little side note--the book is excellent.  If you liked The Nightingale, this is just as well written and thought provoking.  Intense--sad--heart breaking---this story gives an excellent description of the consequences of war and the long hard years of making peace at the end.  I highly recommend this book.

My soul hath long dwelt

With him that hateth peace.

I am for peace:

But when I speak, they are for war."

Psalm 120:6-7

FEAR AND ANXIETY

Currently, I am reading a really good novel (more to come) and I would say the underling theme is the emotion  of an era in American history.  It fits right in with the current sermon series at church,

I Think

I Feel

I Am

It also nicely segues  into today's blog topic----anxiety and fear.  Anxiety seems to be epidemic in today's world and there is an entire class of pharmaceuticals out there for this malady.   I experienced a major anxiety attack  while driving home from Austin after visiting with #1 son and family over a decade ago.  I literally thought I was having a heart attack and had to pull over.  After calling my nurse friend, she explained what I was experiencing was anxiety.  My mind was in overdrive with all the "What If's".  My body was actually experiencing physical symptoms caused by my mind putting great stress on it.  I was living in the "Land of What Might/Could Happen".  There is a good reason God does not want us to be anxious----it saps the energy we could be productively using until we are literally good for nothing.  Rather than face things as they happen--we are dwelling on the what might happen.  Such a waste of time and energy.

One of the sermons in our current series defined anxiety as being "What might happen"

Then there is the moment when we are in the midst of danger, turmoil, chaos or strife.  My body has a strange reaction to periods of actual danger or threat of harm.  In the moment, I am fine---it is after all is said and done that I fall apart.  Last night one of my  alarms went off at 2:00 AM.  I immediately sprang from the bed with my heart racing trying to determine what was on fire.  Thankfully it was a low battery indicator on the carbon monoxide indicator that proceeded to screech every 10 minutes for two hours (WHY is it always in the middle of the night--NOT in broad daylight?)  In the moment, I was fearful there was  something in this three story building with multiple apartments was on fire.  In the moment I was fearful, because I had been warned there was danger present.  

The sermon defined fear as "It's actually happening"

There is the distinct difference of something which possibly--might---maybe happen and being in the heat of the occurrence.  God also does not want us to be fearful--even in the midst of it really happening.  What are we going to do with all this fear and anxiety?  If God allows us to have these emotions, but does not want us to suffer from them, what are we supposed to do?

Look to The Word-

Anxiety- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6-7

Fear- "Fear not, for I am with you: Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Anxiety & Fear- "Say to those who have anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.  He will come and save you.' "  Isaiah 35:4

Bottom line---God desires for us to trust in Him---to leave our anxiety and fear behind--KNOWING He is faithfully with us---even in the worst of times~we can TRUST in HIM.  AND as you lean into Him time after time---it becomes easier and easier--based upon our experience that we CAN and SHOULD Trust HIm!

 

WHEN I AM STRONG

 I was raised to be a strong--independent woman.  My mother's life path was not an easy one and she had to gather her strength and put on a brave face--so many times.  One of the things she did reveal to me--in a small glimpse of her  trek through this life---was her first love.  The disapproval of the parents of this first love.  Disapproval to the point of managing to put an end to that relationship.    He was destined for college--law school---they were too young--and it was stopped by his parents--much to her heartbreak.

She survived the loss of her first child at full term--with Daddy off to WWII.  She survived the war years--living in a life of the unknown in a day of NO instant form of communication.  She survived the dread of seeing the Western Union deliverer coming to your front door.  She survived those years of dreading the worst you could imagine.  While grieving the loss of her first born.

There is more---much more---years of difficult times---but all that loss, anxiety, stress and grief began the growth of a tough outer shell.  The motto of sucking it up (my words not hers--she would NEVER say suck it up) --no matter how great the pain.  Never show your weakness, but instead swallow those tears and bear the pain--with a straight face.  No room for weakness--above all else be strong.

This has been a life lesson for me -- when I am  weak---HIs strength is visible through me.  We have all been told---God will never give you more than you can bear.  I do not agree with that statement.  Instead God may well give you more than you can bear--except for Him being  by your side.  He has promised in our weakness to be by our side---to uphold us---to bear our pain with us.  When I am strong,  I am placing myself on the throne---I am handling it.  When I admit---I am weak---I do not think I can do this---He shows Himself to me in a sweet--tender---faithful manner.  He upholds me in my weakness with His Strong Right Hand.  So where am I going---admit your weakness---allow Him to teach you His character by allowing yourself and others to see your vulnerability and weakness.  Allow Him to uphold you---and give Him the praise and glory for His strength and protection.  When I am strong, relying on my own strength---I have forsaken God's gift of love---when I am weak---He strength is proclaimed from the deepest realm of my soul.

"For the sake of Christ, then,

I am content with weaknesses, insults,

hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak,

then I am strong."

II Corinthians 12:10

PARABLES FROM LULU

I had a 2800 + square foot house while raising my children.  It was stuffed to the brim--their stuff, my stuff, hubby's stuff---LOTS OF STUFF!  AND I go through the stuff at least once a year and purge--but still stuff-stuff-and more stuff!

Since that time I have lived in various smaller size houses including the current 800 square feet apartment.  Each of them ended up filled with stuff. 

                        

The house I  am moving into, at the end of May, is a 1600 square foot house.  When I move, there will be plenty of room since I am more than doubling the size of my current abode.  After I reclaim furniture my offspring has used, and spreading things out, it will end up stuffed with stuff yet again if I am not careful.

All of that stuff in the original house (plus a garage, attic, and storage shed), I can honestly say I do not miss.  With each size house or apartment (2800 sq ft, 1800 sq.ft, 1300 sq ft., 800 sq ft & occasionally a repeat), I have ended up with stuff filling them.  There must be a scientific law similar to filling a vacuum, no matter what the size of the house--we manage to stuff it with stuff.

NOW--I consider myself a minimalist----and still the stuff can get overwhelming.  All you keepers (I will not call you hoarders), I do not know how you manage.  My rule of thumb--if I have not used or worn it in a year, it is out of here.  STILL it is a lot of stuff.  My son and daughter in law love to go to estate and garage sales.  I have enough stuff accumulated without taking on someone else's stuff!  

I recently commented on a friend's post who had just down sized, I have thought about going into business helping people to do their down sizing.  Quickly I realized I did not want to be universally hated by all the keepers, so one more how to make money scheme down the drain.

Having stuff is an energy drain.  You have to take care of all that stuff, you have to stress over where you put one particular piece in your treasure horde.  If you are not organized,  that is a problem unto itself since there are no rules or method in your storing.  

Where am I going--that stuff we drag around, think we cherish, seem to need---it does not add one iota of eternal consequence to your life.  AND--it has been my experience after clearing out my mother's stuff and helping with my in laws, when they went to assisted living and then the nursing home, most of it---no one will want.  Oh certainly there are some treasures, but the vast majority of it we take to the local thrift store.  All that time and energy over all those years---and the stuff we cannot live without--no one wants.  A sad commentary on where we place our importance.  I am vowing with this move--to think long and hard about everything I put in my space.  Do I really need it, do I want to spend my energy taking care of it---does it have eternal consequence?  PLEASE HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE!

"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where neither moth nor rust destroys,

and where thieves do not break in or steal.

for where your treasure is, 

there your heart will be."

Matthew 6:19-21

CHANGE IS A COMING

 There are times I become frustrated when others do not take my good advice.  I can see the errors of their ways and have a good solution for them.  My blogging friend, Martha, commented on THIS blog about how painful it can be to sit back and listen without inserting our advice, wisdom, or opinion.  Yes, as discussed in the blog that day, when we are a born "fixer", it absolutely goes against our grain to not give our good advice.  With every ounce of my being I want to "come up with a plan" to solve their dilemma.  Most of the time, when others are speaking with me--they are not looking for a solution---many times only affirmation--others help with processing by listening.

My sister in law commented she was praying for the Holy Spirit to convict her of the need to keep her mouth shut and just listen.  She is like me--a middle child---born fixers.  Many times we think a change needs to be made by the speaker.  We see the error in their ways--and know if only they would change--it would be their answer.  BUT---they are not going to change--just because we think they should.  Many flat down right refuse to change.  We might come away from the conversation frustrated for their refusal to change, but the real frustration is with the speaker. 

The only one in this two way conversation we have any control over is ME.  I am the one in need of change. I am the one who may need to change my way of doing things.  When we hit the brick wall of frustration over another being unwilling to change their ways---we have to recognize and realize---we cannot force anyone to do anything.  SO the change may need to be in myself---I might need to recognize there is a  limit in control over the actions of others.  I might need to graciously listen--and realize--no matter what my feelings---I have no control over anyone else.

With my change in attitude, I am taking myself off the throne.  How much better would my life be if I could quit trying to be the one with all the answers.  If I could back away, keep still, and listen.  There is always the opportunity to change--the question is am I willing?

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests,

but also to the interests of others."

Philippians 2:4