PATIENCE--A VIRTUE

 Man has spent a great deal of time pondering patience.  Most things worth discussing are addressed in The Word.  God is not a god who leaves us out in the cold hanging.  Though His Word proclaims patience a virtue; it also is a fruit of the spirit.  Exactly what does that phrase mean, "fruit of the spirit"?  One Biblical definition explains it as "perfections that the Holy Spirit forms in people as the first fruits of eternal glory"

The question then becomes exactly what is a first fruit?  My laymen explanation---if you have ever been to pick blueberries, cherries, or any other fruit--you quickly understand those first fruits---are the best fruits.  When the bush or tree is laden---we may select the very best it has to offer--the largest or the juiciest or the sweetest.  When I lived near a blueberry farm, I tried to be there the first day---first thing after opening.  I wanted the best.  So God is offering us "the best" by not just giving us  fruits, but claiming them as perfect--and a fruit of  glorious eternity.  

Here is the thing---as with most things worth having---there is work involved in the obtaining.  I can personally promise you the road to patience was filled with pot holes.  If you want to grow patience--raise children.  That path is lined with prayers for protection.  An old friend and I were laughing over our youth recently and both proclaimed it was a miracle we were here today.  My mother was not a helicopter parent, she was more of a you kids need to help work the farm parent.  She truly embraced ignorance is bliss when it came to my shenanigans.  As long as we were in one piece at the end of the day and had accomplished her long list of tasks, she was good to go.  My own experience with raising children ---especially the two boys- they were on a mission to help me grow my patience.  

Most things we want to do well require the patience which comes with practice.  We do not run a race for the medal every time we run, but only after days and day of practice.  Ask any musician and they will tell you of the hour upon hour of perfecting their art.  I once asked a violin teacher, "When does it start to sound sweet?".  They replied after MANY hours of practice.    AND as my musician friends can all testify--they continue to practice before any performance---no matter how well trained or proficient.  

I am in the middle of a short course on growing patience.  A little Godly reminder of His timing is always best and I need to practice patience--DAILY.  This trial seems like an eternity, but in God's timing  it is truly a short course.  It has taken a few months, but I have finally decided to sit back be patient and relish the learning.    Anything which is labeled a "fruit of the spirit" I desire--but I need to remember as I practice--it will grow.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 

faithfulness, gentleness, self control"

Galatians 5:22-23

EXPECTATIONS

My current reading time is being alternated between two books.  As always, I am spending more time on one than the other.  Both are easy reading and my normal time to read is after the day is done.  My sleeping is aided by calm - peaceful books.  This one is not really serene reading---but has caused me to pause and think.

Two of the main characters in the book are a mother and her teenage daughter.  As with most early teens, they can be filled with misplaced anger.  I have alternated between being perturbed with the mother over her selfish ways (at times) and empathy for her having lived through those early teen years with a daughter (A LONG TIME AGO).  At that point in my life, I developed a thick skin and tolerance for a bruised ego.  My own daughter will now tell you she realizes she was difficult.  AHHH--but today--she is a jewel.  (I digress)

As I read the story line it occurred to me many of our problems are created by our unrealistic expectations of others.  We neatly place them in one category (such as mother) without room for the many other hats they may wear nor the complex individuals we all are.  When we focus on the one part of an individual without considering all that encompasses who they are---we are asking for turmoil in our relationship.  

The same principle plays into any relationship we have.  If we look at a friend and only wonder why they are missing in action in our life, we are using tunnel vision and not considering all the other relationships in their lives.  I have come to realize we all can be at least a little selfish when placing unasked for expectations on others.  Our plan for another---could be the last thing they are considering---in the midst of their personal troubles and turmoil.  AND---what kind of friend/relation are we when we only look to the end of our nose?  THIS has caused me to stop---pause---and think.  Hopefully, the next time I am perturbed at anyone--I will stop and consider---what else is happening in their life.  

So it is with our relationship with God.  We have expectations of Him and when He is not responding to us in the manner we deem best--we are disappointed--perhaps angry.  We do not stop to consider the complexity of our God.  He is all knowing---all seeing---timeless- and His plans are always the best plan.  BUT because we possess feet of clay--we have unrealistic and misguided expectations based upon our needs.  We are looking once again at the king/queen of our universe and not at the broad picture.  Food for thought--as I begin a new day--

"Many plans are in a person's heart;

But the advice of the Lord will stand."

Proverbs 19:21

ORPHAN?

Yesterday was the date my mother was born.  I ALWAYS think of her---but especially that day.  I have spent much of my lifetime pondering the ways our parents affect our lives.  It would stand to reason I have had an impact then on the lives of my children.  Do I want to know how becomes the question?

I have a theory I learned from someone that rang true as I pondered it.  Once we lose our parents--no matter what our age we become orphans.  There is so much truth in that.  I was 14 when my father died and 52 when we lost Momma.  The pain is different because of the years of shared history---but there is something so profound in losing our parents.  When it dawned upon me that I was now the senior matriarch of my birth family---it was quite daunting. 

 A case in point is family dinners.  After moving into my new to me home, my daughter informed me I could once again start hosting family dinners.  She inherited the responsibility after my last move to Fort Worth because she has so much more space than anyone else.  That is still the case, but she is ready for Momma to take the hosting role again.  I well remember the speech my step father gave all of us when he announced he and Momma were no longer hosting our family get togethers---it was our time.  I also remember me thinking, "WHAT???"  Though we all want to believe we are leading our own lives---there is still a search for the approval and love of our parents---no matter what our age.  When the day finally arrived when I took over Momma's finances---it was abundantly clear we had switched roles.  I was never truly comfortable in that lead role and sometimes even resented having the responsibility (truth telling is difficult at times).  BUT I also knew she was no longer able or probably capable of doing it--so whether I like it or not it fell to me.  I faithfully took care of things for her---and in retrospect am so glad I did.  There is a peace that comes from doing what we are expected to do---even when our attitudes are not always great.

Does it sound like I am off on a ramble?  There is a point---we have a Father who will NEVER leave us---Who is always with us---Who we will never have to do anything for but love.  Let that sink in.  Just when I think I understand what a Great God we have---another layer is uncovered.  I am so thankful!

"I love those who love me,

and those who seek me diligently find me."

Proverbs 8:17

 

SIDE EFFECTS

 For all you perfectly healthy people out there, this more than likely does not apply to you--BUT it may someday.  In a recent conversation, I was lamenting how a prescribed drug may well clear up the symptoms of one malady to only create a new malady.  A case in point is some of the drugs used to treat hypertension (that would be high blood pressure for us laymen) can cause kidney damage which leads to kidney disease. Another case- my mother took antihistamines for allergies most of her life to control the symptoms.  This eventually led to a condition where the wet tissues in her body began to dry up.  Without giving you the morbid details, she ended up having an occuo-plastic surgeon replace her eyelids.  Let me just say---the pain after that surgery was MUCH greater than the discomfort of allergies.  There is a long list of possible side effects which comes with each and every prescribed drug we take.  Truly--that old saying

 has a great deal of truth to it.  During the course of the conversation, I was told by the one I was speaking with they could not get their high blood pressure under control.  When I mentioned the drugs to treat high blood pressure can sometimes lead to kidney damage they were unaware.  How many times are we totally unaware--clueless --to the fact that one thing invariably leads to another.  It can be as simple as eating peanuts or chips---in my case---one ALWAYS leads to another and another and another.  I seem to be addicted to all things salty.  My only solution is to not take that first one---for it is a proven fact--once I get started I will not stop until I regret starting.

Does anything come without side effects?  Even the air we breath and the water we drink may contain containments which might eventually lead to cancer or some other malady.  It is amazing we take the risk of walking out the door every day with all the possible side effects that may come into our path.  What is one to do?  

I remember an episode of "Young Sheldon" in which he became paralyzed and shut himself away from the world because of possible contaminants causing him an illness.  His very wise and savvy grandmother reminded him--there are always dangers lurking--and we cannot live our lives in fear.  We have to live---and trust we will avoid all those lurking side effects.  The Word addresses fear a great deal.  God does not want us living with a spirit of fear.  He desires us to live life to the fullest---and trust His plan.  There is something to be said for not knowing the side effects---and dealing with them if they do occur.  Are we going to chance dying of a high blood pressure induced stroke so we will not have possible kidney damage?  Kidney disease is usually slow moving, but a stroke--well we all know the instantaneous blow it can be.   There are times the risk is out weighed by the benefits.  Life is a balancing act---and we best have our hands out and up to keep our balance.  Deal with what is in front of you today and fear not what tomorrow may bring--instead TRUST the sun will indeed come up and bring the joy of the sunshine.

"So do not fear,

for I am with you;

do not be dismayed,

for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you 

with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

I WILL REMEMBER YOU

Here is the bare bones truth about this season in life, I am losing a LOT of loved ones.  You cannot live this long and not realize we do not get out of this alive.  The question becomes when will the bell toll? (AND NO I still do not want the date)   A dear friend (who is long gone) taught the "Old ladies Sunday school class) in a church I belonged to LONG AGO.  In a conversation about her ministry with these sweet ladies she told me, "Honey, they are all one step from the grave."  At first I was taken back--but then I realized there was  truth in that statement.  I would imagine most of these dear saints were in their 80's.  As we like to say, "Living on borrowed time."  Someone recently told me their social outings these days were funerals.  When that becomes the case---you have reached the point of a shrinking world.

My question becomes  ~  "What do we do with the void created by our loss and as that void becomes larger and larger what should our response be?"  My personal theory---we honor those we love when they are gone by purposefully remembering.  As long as we speak their name we have not forgotten and we are honoring the impact they had on our lives.   Depending upon the length of time we knew them and the time we spent with them--there will be varying degrees of grief.  When I sit and ponder, I often remember all those from varying relationships and points of contact over the years who are now gone.  Often I reminisce over the stories I shared with those who are no longer with us.  As long as I remember that story---think upon it---perhaps retell it---their memory is alive and well.  What we shared together---will forever live as long as I am here.  NOW---here is the point I want you to ponder.  Once I am gone---and there is no one left who knows that story---is that memory gone with me?  It is the age of question of if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it--does it make a sound?    When one suffers from dementia are the memories gone or are we just no longer able to access them?   We do not know--but perhaps those memories go with us to heaven.  NOW---it is my thought that when we are in the presence of a Holy God and His Son---all things of this earth will no longer matter.  BUT I do not know the mind of God---and perhaps our stories travel with us when we enter the Pearly Gates.  Deep Thinking as I write this---deep thinking.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

 'LOOK! God's dwelling place is now among the people,

 and He will dwell with them.  

They will be His people ,

and God Himself will be with them

and be their God."

Revelation 21:3

                                                                                                                                                

HERE'S THE THING

 We are in the dog days of summer--it is NO surprise that it is REALLY hot in Texas in the summer---well in the spring and fall too.  Many say better hot than cold most of the year.  It truly is all in what you get used to.  I spend a great deal of the day outside---in spurts.  I work a while and come in and have a cool drink and putter around while cooling off.  This is my daily routine--in and out-----in and out.  I can hear my mother now--"Get in or get out, but quit letting the cool air out."  Does the cool air sit right by the door waiting to make a mad dash out like your dog who wants nothing more to run loose?   Most days the hot air is so thick with humidity I do not know how the cool air could push its way out the door.  Sorry--I digress---now you know how my head works--it is a continuous wandering stream of consciousness.

SO----every morning --not long after my eyelids flutter open and it is still  nice, cool, and dark outside---I check the weather.  Hurricane Beryl made a Texas landfall recently--and with that came almost two days of moderating temperatures.  We were in the low 90's---it was heavenly!  (Relevant--all in what you get used to)  Ever since we had that "cool spell", I have been anticipating another coming this way.  Instead---we are back in the high 90's----which is normal for this time of the year.  BUT I HAVE HOPE---that if we had one cool spell pass through---there is ever possibility another will come. 

The thing about hope is it is not always logical.  If it were a certain event or circumstance or whatever was going to happen or occur there would be no need for hope.  Instead we could merely rely upon the facts.  We have hope because God has given us the gift of experiencing a positive answer to our hopes.  Think about it---we do not sit around and hope for bad things to happen----we hope for good things---perhaps the best things.  We are always given an answer to those hopes---just like we are always given an answer to our prayers.  That answer might not be what we hoped for, but at times we do experience the joy of receiving our hope.  With positive feedback---our depth of hope grows.  Our willingness to anticipate that which is not promised may be granted.

NOW---I am interested in hearing what you think or believe about hope.  It certainly is not logical--but we are all born with this spirit of hope.  "Young Sheldon" would not believe in hope, because it is not scientific.  I believe in hope, because I have experienced positive results from some of my hopes.  What say ye?  

"Not only so, 

but we also glory in our sufferings,

because we know that

suffering produces perseverance;

perseverance, character;

and character, hope."

Romans 5:3-4

LISTEN

 Two life long friends have just experienced a tragedy beyond words.  What can one say at a time such as this?  Words seem so inadequate---BUT with life long experiences I have learned what might provide some solace.  Just listen---it is not easy to sit and listen to the profound and gut wrenching grief of others---it is a testimony to how much we care when we invite conversation and just listen.  One of my dearest friends lost their child at a very early age, over a decade ago.  I consistently remind her I remember that sweet child and invite conversation.  Grief takes on a life of its own--and though it may not always be scorching hot---the embers are always just under the surface waiting for a breeze of remembrance to fan the flames once again.  If you have not experienced deep- profound- gut wrenching- heart breaking grief, you are one of the few.  There is no emotion quite like grief.  I have never had one single person tell me they are healed from their grief.  It NEVER really goes away---is always just under the surface---perhaps not as painful--but the vacuum created by the loss of a loved one can NEVER be filled.  It is truly a black hole.

NOW---I can say one good thing about grief~ it only comes if we have had the great joy of love.  When we love someone deeply, we know with the loss of that loved one we will suffer grief beyond our comprehension.  My Daddy died over 60 years ago---I still think of him, pine for what might have been, and look around at all those fortunate enough to still have a father and wonder, "Why me?"  I needed his love, his guidance, and direction.  I am absolutely certain had he not been taken, I would not have made some huge errors in judgement along the way.  BUT though I grieve him, and all those who have gone on before me--I am thankful for the mutual love we shared and all the joy he brought me.  My life would have been a huge void without my loved ones.  When I read Job, I think of his grief for his first lost family.  Yes, God did give him another family, but I am absolutely certain he grieved until his dying day the first family--because he loved them.

SO--back to what can you do to help those who are suffering profound grief. Of course we pray for them- but we should also-   LISTEN--invite conversation--help them to process--let them know you are there and will never forget their loved one either.  Be willing to sit in the presence of anguish--even when we are extremely uncomfortable.  There is nothing else we can do--but be present and listen.

"Blessed are those who mourn,

for they shall be comforted."

Matthew 5:4