I came home from Bossier--so filled that I felt like I was bursting at the seams---THEN the world came crashing down around my head almost as soon as I recovered from no sleep while gone.

Sunday I went to late church--with an expectant heart--ready for more worship and wisdom.  I stopped in the lobby to talk with the School Ministry Coordinator and missed almost all of the worship.  I am excited about getting plugged in to the church's ministry to at-risk students--so that was not all bad.  Then their really gifted lead pastor began his message---about the future plans and building program for the church.  I am very sorry if I am offending anyone--but that is not what I want to hear on Sunday morning.  I know it is important---know it needs to be communicated---but have met the total of 5 people in church now---and felt like I was sitting in on a family meeting of the family next door.  I left disappointed--but thankful I still had the overflow from the weekend conference.  

Sunday night and today have been very difficult with the revelation and reminder of the place I am emotionally.  I am VERY homesick--decided to not visit R this week because I knew it would make it harder.  I was reminded of how much I miss my sweet friends and family by those I did see in Bossier.  The crowning blow came with the announcement of some news that rips the scab once again off my wounded heart.  I spent a restless night and morning--rehashing all that has wounded me so deeply.

All this to lead you here---Beth reminded us that

The Accuser's focused target is any child of God.

The Enemy knew what happened at the conference and he is not pleased---so he is throwing his flaming darts at me and whispering doubts in my ear.  He is doing ALL he can to take me out of the peace and joy territory that God has given me and back me into the corner of doubt, self-debasement, and pain.  I am calling out to Him---SAYING IT OUT LOUD--pronouncing His word to Him---always seeking the path and asking Him to rebuke the road block.  

"We are hard pressed on every slide, but not crushed,
perplexed, but not in despair,
persecuted, but NOT abandoned,
struck down, but not destroyed."
II Corinthians 4:8

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