Tuesday, June 6, 2017

NOT KNOWING WHAT I DON'T KNOW

As I have begun to slowly make the rounds and catch up on the lives of those I left behind when I moved from Ruston, I have been hit by a barrage of news.  I had no idea what all I did not know.  With my absence, I have fallen out of the loop of updates on the friends and acquaintances here.  The WWW is wonderful, but it is not conducive to intimate conversations about our lives.




When I tell someone news about my life trek, I want to see their facial expression.  There is no way to measure their reaction without speaking face to face or at a minimum  a live discussion.  When I tell you my hair has all fallen out, I had rather see your reaction than read a well intended "It's OK" while meanwhile you are sitting with your mouth agape and the words, "Bless Her Heart, she must be ugly as a bald pig," said behind my back.  

Many of the friends I am really close to have had major changes in their lives.  We don't often pick up the phone to fill in a friend--no matter how close--about the disasters in our lives when they live 4 1/2 hours away.  Solace comes with presence.  A hug goes a really long way in conveying our love and understanding, but a card even when well intentioned is extremely impersonal.
The greatest sympathy and empathy are portrayed by our physical presence and listening ear.


My sweet daughter gave me a great piece of wisdom more than ten years ago,
"Mom, I don't need you to solve all my problems, I just need you to listen to them."  My personality is to jump in and try to solve any problem you present to me.  Many times--perhaps most times--the most important thing I can do for you is to be still and listen.  This plays out in most of the relationships in our lives.  Be present and be aware of the one in front of you.  Do not be scanning the room for who else might be there--have your full attention on the person in front of you.

SO--one early on conclusion of the effects of my absence has been realizing I don't know what I didn't know--because it will only be shared in my presence.  As a marriage grows with living life together over an extended period of time, so do our relationships with others.  We must be physically present in some form to deepen the bonds that tie us together. Living life together grows close and strong bonds.   I am mulling all this over--how do I remedy this or is there a remedy?  Will continued absence create a greater gulf between me and those I hold dear?  Where do I go from here?

“Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
Hebrews 3:13

6 comments:

  1. It is true that with such advances in technology, and communications, like the Internet, e-mails, cell-phones where you can see and talk to the person at the other end, one can still not say exactly what one wants. Sometimes you need to be there face to face with the person to share your heart, your fears and your hopes.

    When Christ met many people needing help; He could have just clicked His fingers and they'd be made well. But every time, He took them aside, placed His hands on them, on their eyes, or ears and healed them, one at a time, a personal individual touch. Not wholesale dispensing of healing from a supermarket.

    God bless you, Lulu.

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    1. Yes,Victor, we all yearn for the one on one! He was the Master at making everyone who He touched feel special!
      Blessings, My Friend!

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  2. Yes friend, a hug goes a long way...as does just listening. I second what Victor said.

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    1. Yes! Our wise friend, Victor!
      Blessings, My Friend!

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  3. OH this, yes .... my daughters {and other family members I'm sure!!} would so totally agree -->
    "Mom, I don't need you to solve all my problems, I just need you to listen to them."

    Here's to heart-to-heart, face-to-face conversations with those you love, Lulu. And yes and amen to sitting quietly and listening well.

    Hope you're having a wonderful journey, friend ...

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    1. It has been even better than I expected, Linda. I have my ears open!
      Blessings, My Friend

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!