I have a love/hate relationship going on with this study. The problem is not with the book--it's with me.
I love to backpack, hike, and camp. There is a serious problem when I overload my pack and try to carry too much weight.
The weight guidelines suggest you not try to carry more than a third of your body weight when hiking. I error on the side of caution and carry way too much food (peanut M&M's are NOT light) and clothing. Add to that the required bear canister and I am loaded down. It did not make for an enjoyable trek.
The book addresses those things in life we are burdened with--be it past or present. My refusal or inability to shed the weight of past and present disappointments, hurts, and anger are weighing me down. As we continue our trek through life and we are thrown curve balls, we become bent over by the weight of the negative.
My refusal or inability to give it all to Christ and allow Him to set me free is creating a barrier between who I am and who I could be. Last meeting I told the modulator, the author makes it sound easy. I have given it up over and over--only to find something dredging it all to the top again. She reminded me the author spoke of her tears and torment before she was finally able to turn it all over. Perhaps the problem was the flatness of the emotion when transferred to the written word. I must admit I find it very difficult to convey my deep emotions when turning to pen and paper. There is something about the human voice that can only truly impart our emotion and then only in part. How do you ever explain what your heart and soul are feeling?
This is where the Holy Spirit comes in. When we are able to truly confess our burdens--without hesitation or reserve, He is our interpreter. Only He can translate the pain, grief or anger into the deep groaning of our spirit. My willingness to let go has a direct impact upon my ability to let go.
This book is challenging me. I refused to answer part of the questions in this section. Telling the group, this book is meddling, is only part of the story. I am hesitant to dredge the past up and perhaps I keep thinking I can do this on my own. On the surface, I am doing just that--deep down--in the recesses of my soul--I am not so sure. I have lost my desire to write--and I wonder if that is a reflection of what is rolling around spiritually.
Can we ever give it all up this side of glory? Does it create a gap in my relationship with The Father? Do I choose to stand tall or allow the burdens of the world to keep me bent over? Deep thinking--