The author of our Bible Study has begun stepping on my toes. Between Sunday's lesson at church and this week's work in this study of Psalm 107, my toes are black and blue. First I am challenged to examine the time I spend in prayer and now I am being asked "What have you not turned over to Jesus?"
GROAN!!!
This is not easy to write as I am exposing my inner most failings and flaws. The process of sanctification requires my submission to God's will for my life. Just when I think I am ready for Him to take me, mold me, make me into what He wills, I discover bits and pieces I am holding back. There are parts of my life I still seem to think I know best and this week's work on the lesson has me questioning my wiliness to submit to His plans.
As I searched my soul for what I was holding back from God, it occurred to me I had made the decision that I should be single for the remainder of my life. I have grown to enjoy the life of being single. I eat what I want, sleep when I want, plan activities I enjoy, and have to consult no one about my comings and goings. Sadly, being single encourages self indulgences.
Though all that sounds good, I must admit there is much more to my being single than being selfish. I have a huge-high fence around my heart protecting it from being hurt again. I have had a few encounters with some really nice men and a couple who I had much in common. I find myself running for the door before we get firmly grounded on square one. Though I loved being in a relationship for a long time, I also realize the emotional cost of a deep and long relationship. Someone is going to be hurt at some point. Either divorce or death will eventually leave one of you heart broken. I am not willing to endure that pain again, so have made a choice to live alone.
BUT GOD, wants me to be willing to turn that over to Him. He wants me to be willing to turn every bit and piece of my life over to His will for me. Allowing Him to determine the status box I check is a really big thing for me. There is a really good chance I will be alone for the rest of my life (I'm no spring chicken), and Heaven knows who could put up with me. But God, wants me to be willing to enter another relationship if that is His plan.
THAT is not easy!
We all have places in our lives we want the control. The need to turn every facet of our lives over to God's plan will deepen our relationship with Him. Every bit and every piece--100% of it all is a BIG DEAL! What are you holding on to-holding back from God? Have you given Him total control?
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I Peter 5:6-7
I think I should be careful of what I say here. And no doubt I will get it wrong. So ... two choices. Stop now ... or carry on.
ReplyDeleteI'll carry on.
Lulu, I think you are beginning to discover that you are human. Have you ever seen a video on how they train wild horses, or dogs who have never been on a lead? At first the horse jumps and bolts and throws the rider off. But eventually, the horse, and the dog, learn to get on happily with their trainer.
God has always tried to train and teach us. Ever since the beginning in the Old Testament and (more gently) when He sent us Jesus so that we may meet Him face to face. What did we humasn do? We rebelled. Even to the point of killing Him on the Cross.
"There are parts of my life I still seem to think I know best and this week's work on the lesson has me questioning my willingness to submit to His plans." Hello human!!! We all do that. We all think we no best. You'd be surprised how many people there are willing to serve God in an advisory capacity.
"As I searched my soul for what I was holding back from God, it occurred to me I had made the decision that I should be single for the remainder of my life." Hello human!!! What is wrong with that? What is wrong about being single. Or being married. These are choices for us to make and God is happy with whatever choice we have made for the whole, or for the rest, of our lives. Being single gives us the freedom to spend time helping others. I know a lady who has spent a lot of time looking after her grand children, helping teaching people, helping those devastated by floods and God knows doing what else she could not have done if married with marital commitments. Her name is Lulu. Do you know her?
Being single is a vocation just as being married is a vocation too. Both have their goals and commitments and opportunities.
"Sadly, being single encourages self indulgences." Nothing wrong with that either. Have you tried chocolates?
"I have a huge-high fence around my heart ..." I understand exactly what you mean, Lulu. I really do. When we have been hurt badly, it is prudent and a defence mechanism to ensure we do not get hurt again. When we fall in love we become vulnerable. We trust someone else and sometimes that trust is betrayed. Ask Jesus about His betrayal by Judas. There is nothing wrong in being wary. And if ... in time, the right person comes along your heart will know what is right.
" ... ... ... Someone is going to be hurt at some point. Either divorce or death will eventually leave one of you heart broken." Some things in life are inevitable and will leave us hear broken. Death will occur for certain and either we, or our loved ones, will be heart broken. That should not be a barrier to find love again ... should it come our way.
"... ... ... But God, wants me to be willing to enter another relationship if that is His plan. THAT is not easy!" No ... No ... No ... God will never force you to do something you do not want to do. God will not say "I want Lulu to marry again with X" God has given us the free will to choose how we want to live. Married, single, divorced, separated or whatever. He did that for us out of love. His will for us is that we love Him back and that we love one another. No where in the Bible does God say we should be married or single.
Sorry to go on a bit, Lulu. I hope you'll still talk to me after this.
In prayers always. God bless.
My point was not really my martial status, Victor, but my willingness to take myself off the throne and allow God to truly be My King. I am human, but I also want to be in submission to God in all areas of my life. Yes, He recognizes My humanness, but He is always in the process of sanctifying me. I am so thankful He loves me enough to point out where I might be holding out on Him. Your will not mine, Lord.
ReplyDeleteI am always grateful for your gentle prodding and encouragement. I understand what you are saying, but also know when I have been challenged by the Holy Spirit to pause and think about my anchors to the World. What am I holding back and not allowing God full control of in my life? To be sanctified is to grow more into His likeness. What a blessing that He loves me enough to nudge me and grow me.
Blessings, My Friend!
Well, since Victor has taken the cake here, I'll just say that, yes, we need to turn our lives and selves completely over to God's will for us and be open to His nudges and leading. That requires lots of prayer and submission of our wills, day in and day out. God knows the plans He has for you, Lulu. Let it be!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you!
Amen! Yes, Martha, His plan is ALWAYS the best plan. Lord help me to be still and listen!
DeleteBlessings, My Friend!