The author of our Bible Study has begun stepping on my toes. Between Sunday's lesson at church and this week's work in this study of Psalm 107, my toes are black and blue. First I am challenged to examine the time I spend in prayer and now I am being asked "What have you not turned over to Jesus?"
This is not easy to write as I am exposing my inner most failings and flaws. The process of sanctification requires my submission to God's will for my life. Just when I think I am ready for Him to take me, mold me, make me into what He wills, I discover bits and pieces I am holding back. There are parts of my life I still seem to think I know best and this week's work on the lesson has me questioning my wiliness to submit to His plans.
As I searched my soul for what I was holding back from God, it occurred to me I had made the decision that I should be single for the remainder of my life. I have grown to enjoy the life of being single. I eat what I want, sleep when I want, plan activities I enjoy, and have to consult no one about my comings and goings. Sadly, being single encourages self indulgences.
Though all that sounds good, I must admit there is much more to my being single than being selfish. I have a huge-high fence around my heart protecting it from being hurt again. I have had a few encounters with some really nice men and a couple who I had much in common. I find myself running for the door before we get firmly grounded on square one. Though I loved being in a relationship for a long time, I also realize the emotional cost of a deep and long relationship. Someone is going to be hurt at some point. Either divorce or death will eventually leave one of you heart broken. I am not willing to endure that pain again, so have made a choice to live alone.
BUT GOD, wants me to be willing to turn that over to Him. He wants me to be willing to turn every bit and piece of my life over to His will for me. Allowing Him to determine the status box I check is a really big thing for me. There is a really good chance I will be alone for the rest of my life (I'm no spring chicken), and Heaven knows who could put up with me. But God, wants me to be willing to enter another relationship if that is His plan.
THAT is not easy!
We all have places in our lives we want the control. The need to turn every facet of our lives over to God's plan will deepen our relationship with Him. Every bit and every piece--100% of it all is a BIG DEAL! What are you holding on to-holding back from God? Have you given Him total control?
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I Peter 5:6-7