ONLY THE LONELY

 For those of you who are keeping up---this is two days in a row I have used a song title as my blog title.  Am I on a roll of song titles?  Probably not--merely a coincidence.  "Only the lonely"--Roy Orbison's big hit from 1960 climbed all the way to No. 2 on the Billboard charts.  Those of my generation are  quick to turn our noses up at today's music and declare it has no meaning.  Obviously there was some hidden meaning in the "Dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo wah; Ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah; oh-oh-oh-oh-wah" repeated every verse in this big hit. I will say I still know the lyrics all these years later (not real complicated).  Perhaps the message of the song was entirely in the "Only the lonely; only the lonely".

  Loneliness ---sadness because one has no friends or company; the quality of being unfrequented and remote, isolation. (Webster) I have spent a great deal of time discussing loneliness with quite a few individuals.  Here is my take away--everyone experiences it at some point.  I cannot tell you how many have told me they have felt lonely with another human in the same room.  This leads me to believe it is the inability to communicate as the root of loneliness.  

I spend a great deal of time alone--well except for the Wonder Dog.

 

I find him rather short on conversation.  Occasionally I find myself lonely---there is a big difference in being alone and being lonely.  I stay busy and have projects going and take walks---I am engaged in living.  The times I find myself lonely is usually in the quiet of the evening---especially on a weekend.  The day is pretty much done, the projects are put away for the evening, the kitchen is clean and there is nothing on television worth viewing nor a good book to read.  Those days, I go to bed early--knowing things will look better in the light of day--BRIGHT AND EARLY the next morning because I went to bed FAR TOO EARLY.

There are groups out there to help combat the loneliness which is rampant in our society.  The ladies I meet with at The Well---they were lonely.  I have watched them form community--care for each other--become friends. Oh we walk together, we have art classes, we have Bible Study and we play Bingo--but the key is--we are together.  It has been all joy watching them knit together a community.  They sometimes disagree, as we all do when we are together a lot, but at the end of the day--they love each other.

I also have become part of "The Men's Shed" here in Ruston.  This group was originally formed to bring men together under a shared roof to work on wood projects together.  They decided to let us women join and we have one morning a week when we have "She Shed" (surely you have seen the commercials for Sheryl's She Shed)

I will tell you another day what these talented ladies have taught me about wood work.  YES, I still have all my fingers!  The point behind the Men's Shed is building community-first and foremost--with a little wood work on the side.

We seem to have become isolated in our busy and fast paced world where the WWW has taken over communication.  No longer do we sit on the front porch at the end of the day with friends and family to share the news of the day.  Instead we are staring at some screen--alone.  Much of our loneliness is self created.  Some of our loneliness is due to a shrinking world which comes from either aging or busy lives while building careers and growing families.  Why even today's church struggles to help us build community.  Gone are the family night dinners ladies Missionary Society meetings, Men's breakfasts in most cases.  Today's small groups struggle to help us build connections. We are all just too busy. It takes time---LOTS of time to build community.  Somehow in our fast paced world of careers, organized children's sports, community committees, and even civic club lunch meetings, we have replaced those front porch evenings with the organized isolation of the board and committee tables.  We have forgotten or maybe never knew the importance of community.  We have become lonely--isolated--and remote--stranded on a deserted island of loneliness without a life boat in sight. Until we purposefully make a change--only the lonely will know the way we feel tonight.  We cannot sit around and wait for someone to rescue us from our lonely world.  We have to take a chance, dive in, and take the plunge.  Community is waiting to be formed--but you have to take the first step.

O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. 

Psalm 38:9

ALL ALONE AM I

Have you ever been in a room full of people--say some social event -with no one to talk to?  You look around a sea of people and finally find a familiar face and walk over to speak to them.  As you engage in conversation, you notice their eyes darting around the room.  You get the distinct impression they are looking for anyone else but you to speak with.  You begin to question, what is wrong with me.  Are they searching for someone more socially prominent?  Is your conversation that incredibly dull?  

There was a recent occasion, in a room filled with people, some I knew and many I did not when something similar happened.  I walked up to a group of people I knew and began to talk with them.  As I stood there someone walked up, and stood in front of me to join the group.  It was as if I was invisible.   

We are all searching for a place to fit in and I would dare say the person who walked in front of me was doing the same.  They were just trying to find a place with familiar faces to relieve the awkwardness of standing alone.

Some days, I felt like this in church.  It is not easy to walk into a room by yourself and sit alone.  I called myself the "Invisible Woman" while living in Fort Worth.  At least there it was understandable, cities are not easy for even life long city dwellers.  Walking in a room and finding someone you know is the exception many times in a large city.  In a town where you have lived over 50 years, it is rare to go anywhere and not see someone you know.  I still struggle with feeling invisible at times.  As if others are looking straight through me.

This post is not about -POOR ME.  I have learned tricks to deal with feeling invisible.  There usually is someone else in the crowd standing alone to introduce yourself to.  AND people watching is my favorite sport!

I spent some time talking this over with a friend recently.  They reminded me--if I feel invisible--think about entire segments of the population who feel like we are staring right through them.  They become invisible to us--we don't see them nor realize their struggles.  It is easier to find a familiar face than to listen to a story that is difficult to hear.  We walk around them, walk right by them. and more than likely, will not remember we even saw them.  We are playing a part in the Samaritan's story.  We go out of our way to avoid them, ignore their pain, and walk on by.  We become Believers who stroll on by ignoring the plight of the fallen.  We leave the wounded behind and walk on by.

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[a] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Luke 10:30-37

 

BIBLE THUMPING!

 If you stop long enough and ask enough questions--AND MOST IMPORTANT---LISTEN, it is really unbelievable the stories you hear!

This week, as I was asking a friend how they fared the storm, I heard a long drawn out---full of lots of holes story.  Long story short--they hit someone over the head WITH A BIBLE!  NOT figuratively--literally!  After being angered by what sounded like an accident, they turned around and picked up the nearest object and hit the guy on the head.  Turned out the nearest object was The Bible.

I have heard about Bible Thumpers all my life, but this is the first time I have heard about a Bible Basher.  (Someone who bashes another with their Bible)  It strikes me that this may not be the use intended.

As I mulled over this story this morning, it occurred to me that we use The Bible quite often--not as it was intended.  Oh, we don't go around hitting people over the head with it--literally--but we quite often throw it in their faces--figuratively.  I am GUILTY!  In fact after being told this story, I reminded the teller of the need to forgive.  I am NOT saying they did not need to forgive, but I am saying quoting scripture and admonishment is NOT the way to get the message across.

One of the things that gives Believers a bad name is our seeming hypocrisy.  We are quick to judge, quick to quote scripture, and short on an attitude of love and understanding.  We are slow to admit our struggles and short comings.  The beauty of God is His patient love with us and unlimited grace.  Are we exhibiting the same or are we bashing and thumping with a spirit of judgement?

Food for thought!  Side note--I am currently reading this year's Bible in a year on my cell phone---I will NOT be bashing anyone over the head with it!

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

For in the same way you judge others,

you will be judged,

and with the measure you use,

it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

GRIM MILESTONE

During the past few days, the United States reached the grim milestone of more than half a million dead from Covid 19.  I am NOT going to get into an argument about pre-existing morbidity issues.  Even if there were pre-existing conditions or extenuating circumstances, the fact remains half a million of our neighbors, fellow citizens, friends, kin, co-workers have become infected and subsequently died.  Even those with risk factors had no idea the infection would lead to their demise.  They had not preplanned a funeral--knowing this was the year of their death.

Temporary Morgues in New York City

This has left more than 500,000 families deep in grief over their loss.  Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children, grandparents and friends have left us before we expected them to.  The fact is our average life expectancy has been lowered by a year--due to this great loss in one year's time.  This is not a political ploy, a grand hoax, or merely the flu--it is deadly serious as evidenced by the numbers.

We have seen more deaths in the past almost twelve months than combat deaths in our great wars of the past.  Wars which lasted years.  The number of deaths from the Spanish flu pandemic surpassed the COVID deaths, but remember there were virtually no options for treatment in the 1918.  With all the advances in medicine, doctors are still fighting a lethal and deadly enemy.  

Where am I going?  I am praying we will not brush this off lightly.  I am praying we will remember families and friends are grieving these deaths.  This is not just a number--it is a number represented by individual faces.   A large part of our country is grieving.  The last thing any of those loved ones need to hear is any of us arguing about what the "real cause" of death was, if this is all a hoax, who is to blame, or where it came from.  Your brushing off this pandemic as nothing more than the flu, does nothing to comfort those who mourn.  Instead, I am praying we can mourn with those who mourn--stand by them--uphold them--become "Fellow Carriers of Sorrow" for this great loss.

I am so weary of all this fighting--arguing--blame shifting.  What will it take for us to remember we are all Americans?  When will we focus on our sameness instead of our differences?  It is heartbreaking that not even the death of all these fellow Americans has pulled us together.  Does it take your close family member dying to understand the gravity of it all?  All I can do is pray---and Friends, I AM praying.  Join me as we pray for all those who have lost dear ones, join me as I pray for our great nation, and join me as I look for our similarities--including the love of our families and friends.  Pray for those who mourn.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

TAGGED

I have a distinct memory of what was in the top drawer of the chest of drawers my mother and daddy shared in those early years of my life.  Among those items, including ironed handkerchiefs and cuff links, there was a small petitioned off area which held his service medals and ribbons and dog tags from his service during World War II.  I distinctly remember picking up those tags and reading the information on them.  I remember it included his name, next of kin, select service number, religion, and blood type .  There was probably more, but these labels of who daddy was are forever etched in my memory.  There were two tags on a metal necklace.  As I searched for the reason for two, I learned one stayed with the soldier, if he was killed or seriously injured, and the other was taken back to the finder's commander.  The soldier was to keep these on his person at all times during his years of service.  It was a means of identification.

My dog has his own set of "dog tags".  Hero has his little metal tag that goes on his collar stating he has had his rabies vaccine, the date, his "number" and a contact number for the vet.  So far we have managed to not bite anyone, although I have had to save multiple very large dogs by sweeping him up as he goes for them.  Hero seems to have a disconnect on the difference in his size and large dogs--or maybe he is just a bully.  Most of the time he does not go after the small dogs--except for the little yipper down the street.  Something about that dogs continuous high pitched yipping sends Hero into orbit.  (I digress)

Here is the REALLY GOOD NEWS, Friends---I HAVE HAD MY SHOTS!!  At long last I am vaccinated.  We are NOT going down the pro and con trail of why or why not to have the vaccine.  Leave it with this---I trust science, I am tired of being locked down, I do not want the virus--I had the shots. You can make your own decision. WHY, I wonder, do we not all have vaccine tags?  I do have my little vaccine card and do not leave home without it.  But what if I had a visible tag so all would know I am vaccinated. 

These tags are all labels---explaining part of who we are.  What if we had little metal tags for all of those labels we have been given and have given ourselves?  Most of us would get a permanent crick in our neck from trying to drag all that around.  And who has time to go through all those labels to figure our just who we are dealing with?  The truth is--many--maybe most of those labels we have placed on ourselves.  We have decided we are plain, untalented, mediocre, unpopular, wrong, ignorant, unwanted, and on and on.  We are our own worst critics.  Instead of wasting time critiquing ourselves (that's call naval gazing), what if we were focused outward.  What if we were focused on the needs, suffering, pain, and loneliness of those God places in our path?  I suspect the label tags would become much lighter--I believe we would forget all about those tags.  If only we could look out and up instead of down and in.

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:29-30

THE BIG THAW

 We have begun our BIG THAW here in the deep South after a week of frigid temperatures, snow and ice.  We are not equipped to handle these conditions.  We are prepared and capable of handling the 90 + degree days with 90 % humidity for a few months every summer.  In fact, we have it down to a fine science just how we survive the tropic summers.  Let a snow flake fall, and we are all thrown into a panic over how we will survive.  The residual effects are with us until the last bit of ice has melted leaving a field of mud where our beautiful yards once were.

All during this past week, I have still made my thrice daily walk around the hood.  I observed the slow morphing of my surroundings from beautiful fluffy "dry" snow to an ice crusted hard layer of ice and snow.  My neighbors observed as I slowly crept around the block, staying on top of what appeared to be the crisp white covering on our lawns and streets instead of sinking into the softness of the snow.  The entire hood became one frozen block of ice.  Hard as a brick and prompting great caution as I made my rounds with The Wonder Dog.  My head knows if I slip and fall on this, it will be a crash and burn of Artic proportion.  Ice is NOT giving and broken bones are not forgiving at this point in life.

The temperatures finally reached above freezing and the slow melt finally began.  What started as a slow melting finally transformed into a mushy and muddy softening from the warm rays of the sun and moderation of the temperature.  We started with warm spongy ground, went to a soft layer of snow, turned to a rock hard covering of ice and finally began to return to what we started with.  The water is running off in sheets, the ground is squishy mud, and the ice has disappeared.  The earth has returned to the form it should be.

This reminds me of our hearts.  I am reading through The Pentateuch during my chronological read through The Bible.  God's chosen people suffer from hardening of the heart over and over.  Grumblers who are never satisfied, God becomes exasperated with their lack of gratitude and refusal to be satisfied, as well as a lack of regard for Who He is.  They are not happy, He gives them water; they are not happy, He provides them food; they are not happy about much of anything and over and over He tries to satisfy them.  With each provision, in a short time, they are once again complaining with hard hearts.  He finally gets enough!  As a consequence for these hard hearts, the entire generation of those who left the bondage of Egypt are denied entrance into the Promised Land.  They will never see the Land of Milk and Honey--instead they will have 40 years to consider what they missed by the hardening of their hearts.

My prayer is I never forget--in the midst of the isolation of a pandemic, in the midst of the loss of dear friends, in the midst of life altering changes, in the midst of suffering and heartbreak, and in the midst of the shut down and destruction caused by a winter storm---I NEVER forget all I have been blessed by--all I am grateful for---all that has been and is still to come.  I am praying for a soft heart---a heart which is bruised for those that suffer and grieve; a heart which weeps with those who weep; and a heart which melts like the ice and snow in the warmth of the Son's tenderness and love.  I pray to always be aware of the Big Picture--God's Great and Grand Plan--which always points toward Jesus.  I pray for my heart to be soft as the earth in the Spring garden---ready for seeds to be planted, growth to follow and the rich harvest to come.  Lord, keep my heart soft---even if this leads to hard things--keep my heart soft toward You.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.

 And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh

 and give you a heart of flesh."

Ezekiel 36:26

ENTERING THROUGH THE LEFT DOOR

 My season of life and the daily death toll of this insidious virus has brought to mind the process of grief and the importance of how we deal with our grief.  In one of the final chapters of

 I read this fascinating passage~

"In ancient Judaism, the people would enter the temple by going up the stairs and in through the right side.  But for an entire year, after losing an immediate family member, you would enter through the left side where people were exiting.  This was an indication to everyone that you were in a season of mourning.  People knew to greet you with comfort and kindness and consideration for what you were facing.

Though we don't have these kinds of defined indicators of the presence of loss, there is one sure way to know loss is part of someone's life-they are breathing."

Do we not all struggle with grief and forgiving?  Long ago, I had someone tell me they could forgive me, but they would never forget.  Is it possible to forget?  Perhaps we can forget the small things, but those REALLY BIGGIES--how do you forget?  When something has altered your life, can you really forgive and forget? I am pretty certain, only God is able to forget once He has forgiven us.  The rest of us are left with events which shape who we become in the aftermath of tragedy, trauma, and loss.  What we do with those memories--that is what is important.

When we think we have forgiven and forgotten, we may find our heart may have developed a shell of protection to prevent any possible reoccurrence of the pain. We may have developed a "Hardening of the Heart."  With this hardening, there is a struggle to not become bitter.  "Bitterness doesn't have a core of hate, but rather a core of hurt.  Bitterness isn't usually found most deeply in those whose hearts are hard but rather in those who are most tender. Being bitter shouldn't be equated to being a bad person.  It's most often a sign that a person with great potential for good filled the emptiness of their losses with feelings that are natural but not helpful in times of grief."  We can forgive, and not forget--but instead use what God has allowed to further refine and sanctify us.  The choice is always ours.

One of the by-products of great grief becomes the propensity to protect our hearts from any more pain.  We shy away from relationships which might lead to another round of grief.  This is the denial of hope in the quest for control.  I am guilty of focusing on the moment instead of believing in the big picture.  I forget God has a plan---a plan not to harm me, but to give me hope and a future.  My gut reaction to pain is don't allow that to happen again--put up the barriers, post the no trespassing signs, and order a full stop when confronted by the potential of more pain.  It is a denial that God knows best---I should seek His ways---follow His lead and trust Him.  It is the age old struggle of Who will I allow to sit on the throne?  The polite refusal to acknowledge who knows best.

This book is one of a very few which I will keep and reread from time to time. Such a great book--for any kind of grief, pain, loss, struggle.  A reminder God is in the business of healing our wounds and softening our hearts.  He is faithful.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for welfare and not for evil,

to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11