Moving two times in just two years has been disconcerting to say the least.  The first move brought a serious culling of 30 years of accumulation in that home--I still think of things I need that are long gone--Serious down-sizing sometimes brings hasty decisions. The next move involved 300 miles of travel and still less space to put those "things".  After packing, unpacking, packing & yet again unpacking--with some "stuff" still in boxes, I find I have lost some things--or misplaced--or discarded and do not remember.  It is all a blur--physically and emotionally---a blur.  Things have been lost.

I have also lost some intangible things in this process.  I lost a riding partner to talk away the long miles on those road trips.  I lost a living-breathing presence in the vastness of my alone-ness.  I lost an ear to hear my thoughts and a voice to respond to mine.  I lost the one that understood the intricacies of this family.  I lost the one that had shared the important days in the life of this family.  I lost a person in my bed to reach out and touch when the night brought dread.  I lost the warmth to turn and curl into when the cold of the night closed in around me.  I lost a part of me that now I struggle to replace as if that part of my being has been amputated and I am left to compensate.

In the midst of the loss, I have found so much.  I found a Father that loves me beyond my wildest dreams.  I found Him who cares about me--my joys and my pains.  I found One that knew me, knows me, and already knows my tomorrow, and yet loves me without fail.  I found total acceptance and recognition of my beauty and grace.  I found the One that loves me at my best and my worst and is ever faithful and present in it all.  I found the deep well of love and concern that continually flows with the spring of mercy and the hope for tomorrow.  

I might never have found all of this---had I not first lost so much.

Mark 8:34-35

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