All of you have heard me go on---ad naueseum--about my hip pain---HEY, IT REALLY HURTS!  Here is the really strange thing about all my pain--it is NOT coming from the hip!  My sciatica nerve is inflamed and the piriformis muscles are unhappy--these are all in the lower back.  It turns out my kids are right---I am WAY too uptight!

SO when all of this gets too tight to tango, my body begins to compensate by trying to take the pressure off these over used, up-tight muscles and I lean on one side heavily.  THEN my poor hip and IT band hurt like the dickens.  It is so painful at times, I can hardly walk.  So the pain I am feeling really is all coming from another source--but my body is referring the pain to another site.

Today's post is NOT about my hip--and not to worry--I am working on the problem and it seems to be getting better.  Referred pain is what grabbed my attention when talking with a friend about her family.  It seems one of her family members is really angry with her, but as the story unfolded, it dawned on me--she is NOT the one who deserves the tongue lashing, but instead the anger is referred anger.  She is the brunt of outrage over something she did not even have any control over.  

As I thought back, I remembered how many times I came home from a long difficult day at work out of sorts.  The first thing my children did--no matter how slight--which did not line up with my expectations---they got a tongue lashing.  Perhaps they had not finished their homework, cleaned their room, mowed the lawn--whatever my expectations were--if they had made the mistake of not complying with my chore list on this particular day--I let them have it!  I really was NOT mad at them---I was frustrated and upset over a hard day at work.  In an effort to maintain good relations with a client, I had held my tongue and keep the peace--NOT telling them how frustrated I was with them.  They missed out on what they deserved, but sadly the kids got it full force when I got home.  My referred anger was unleashed on the innocents.  

Yesterday while discussing grief with a good friend, we danced around the anger of loss being often referred as we dress down unsuspecting parties.  We want to claim we have not lashed out at God for taking our loved ones, we have never been angry.  The anger though comes spewing forth --erupting on the unsuspecting innocents over something totally unrelated.   We don't even stop to realize the unreasonableness of our angry outburst over something of little consequence.

WHY do we take out our pain and anger on those who are nearest and dearest?  I suspect we are confident enough in their love that we never dream they will get fed up and walk away.  We lash out at the wrong ones and they are standing with their mouths hanging open wondering what in the world they did.  Shame on us!  This week has made me aware of how many times the wrong person got the heat of my anger or disappointment.  Yet--they still love me--they are patient and remember the good and forgive the bad. Who does that remind you of?  Hopefully I can become more conscious of my feelings and who they are truly directed toward.  Time to become aware of mistaken referrals and guard the sharpest weapon -my tongue.  Time spent in prayer and introspection are important tools in our quest to avoid the mistaken referral of pain and anger.  One of my frequent prayers is "Lord take this from me--for I can not do it alone!"  AMEN! Thank God He is my strength and portion when I am weak and unable.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
 but only what is helpful for building others up 
according to their needs, 
that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29


  1. When things go wrong in our lives we often turn our hurts, our pains and our anger against God. We blame Him for what has happened. He can take our anger. After all, He took our anger when hanging there on the Cross, did he not?

    And when the initial pain and hurt subsides, and we have time to think calmly, we realise that He was there beside us all along ready to comfort and help us - if only we asked Him.

    God bless.

  2. Amen Victor....I am so guilty of misdirected anger...sigh...I think it has something to do with the Yugoslavian blood, lolol. We are just hot tempered...and being married to a Irishman, yeah...never mind, LOLOL.

    1. Volital household!!
      DUCK when you come in the door-LOL!
      Blessings, My Friend!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!