IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT US

 Here we go with Post #2 inspired by this book

As a little disclaimer, DO NOT get this book thinking it is a Christian novel.  Depending upon your world view it might not be your cup of tea.  As I stated in the last post, it is free if you have Kindle Unlimited.

SO without giving the story away, but to explain the inspiration, Chester Wheeler has managed to drive away every person--family included--who has been a part of his life.  Even the "paid help" cannot stomach his abuse for long.  He is argumentative, disagreeable, abusive, aggravating etc. etc.  In a nutshell, NO ONE, likes Chester.  He has managed to alienate everyone who he has come into contact with for his entire life.  The story is about his "last" paid help who has agreed to drive him cross country for a final visit with his ex-wife. NOW--you might think I am headed in the direction of expounding upon what is wrong with Chester--NOT SO.  Instead I am going to talk about why anyone would agree to be with someone SO disagreeable 24/7.  The money certainly was a motivating factor.  The main character has lost his software engineering job when a nationwide downsize hit in the industry.  There is NOTHING out there in his field.  He has rent to pay, etc., etc.  So, YES, the need for money played a huge role in the reason.  BUT what I came away with---the caretaker already knew Chester and what he was like before taking the job.  It came as no surprise how hateful Chester could be since he had already experienced his vitriol.  What did change---he learned to look beyond what Chester was saying and consider the source.  As he learned more and more about Chester, the light bulb began going off and he began to understand where the hatred was coming from.  Considering the source is easier to accomplish if we have no emotional tie to the one attacking us.  It is when we are emotionally tied---such as Chester's poor daughter---that it becomes so difficult.  WHY?  Because this person is "supposed" to love you--warts and all.  When the person, we are trying to help, lashes out at us, betrays our love, purposefully goes for the throat--the wound is sure and deep-a direct hit to our heart.

IF the very one who is supposed to love us like no other, fails us---what are we to think?  At times we are left reeling, trying to figure out what we did---surely it was us.  NO--in many cases--just as the author points out-

"Somewhere down the road in this process I got something I'd never gotten before.  I got that when a person is rude and abusive to me, it's not about me at all.  They can say something terrible to me or about me, but they're revealing themselves, not me.  It has nothing to do with me. They're just showing me the landscape of themselves as they project it out onto somebody else."

But often we are so wounded by the other, we cannot objectively look at the "Why's."  All we know is the person whom we loved dearly, and trusted to have our best interest has mortally wounded us to the very depths of who we are.  It is VERY difficult to look beyond our pain, and realize it could have nothing to do with us.  We are shaking our heads and wondering why?

We are studying Psalm 55 this week in Bible Study.  King David himself is expressing this very sentiment.  As Solomon stated, "There is nothing new under the sun", not even betrayal.

"For it is not an enemy who taunts me,

Then I could endure it;

Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me,

Then I could hide myself from him.

But it is you, a man my equal,

My companion and my confidant;

We who had sweet fellowship together,"

Psalms 55: 12-14

I can hear the anguish and anger in David's voice.  The very one he loved--has betrayed him.  

My prayer for all of us is that we can look beyond the hurtful words and look to the eyes of the deliverer and wonder "Why?"  That we can look beyond our pain and remember the speaker is delivering a revelation about the "landscape of themselves".  It is NOT always all about us!  AND

"bearing with one another,

and forgiving each other,

whoever has a complaint against anyone;

just as the Lord forgave you,

so you must do also.

Colossians 3:13