Currently I am not feeling my best. I cannot really put a finger on my problem, but I am extremely thankful for Tylenol which is keeping me going. I woke up in the middle of the night aching a few days ago and cannot seem to shake it. No temperature, in fact well below average temperature--even in this heat (I AM cool!). In a word I have a malaise--"a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify." POST SCRIPT (Keep in mind I am probably back to "Normal" [not the setting on the dryer] since this was written two weeks ago). POST-POST SCRIPT--yes I am back to normal--well as close as I get to normal.
Couple this, not quite my usual good health, with losing an old friend recently and you have the perfect storm for pondering my own eventual demise. HEY--we have talked about this before--we DO NOT GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE! My question becomes can I get out of this without suffering? That seems to be a rare occurrence---we lost my grandmother while she was out raking the yard~ WHAT COULD BE BETTER?? BUT medical science has become really proficient at keeping us here until the mushrooms are growing out of our ears. NOT my intended path of leaving. The fact remains I am not good at suffering--never have been. I tend to become grumpy, and just want to be left alone. Put me out to pasture and let me die! When all I can focus on is the misery I am suffering, what is the point? My mother, in all her wisdom, tied all maladies to this question, "Have you been to the bathroom today?". I cannot tell you how that question would set me on the edge. It did not matter what you were suffering--be it physical or emotional, a good session in the bathroom would sort it all out. Let me just say, I NEVER asked my children that question, unless they had a tummy ache. THAT would make some sense.
While recently speaking with a dear friend, we both were a little off center-physically and emotionally. We had a good session of dissecting exactly all that was wrong. Later that day, I thought of the Old Testament book I am currently in and had a good laugh. I sent her this text, "Can't you just imagine the Old Testament patriarchs and matriarchs sitting around complaining about old age. Some things never change." You are only as old as you feel, but today I feel every minute of my age. Tomorrow may be better, but the present is where I am.
SO--where is this long and rambling missive going? If the bell was to toll today, do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt where you are headed? That is the most important question I will ever ask you. My prayer, for all of you who have the patience to read my ponderings is that if you know, that you know without one glimmer of doubt--you know. As the wonderful old hymn says,
"WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN"
My prayer is we ALL---will sing and shout the victory!
"Jesus said,
'I am the Road,
also the Truth,
also the Life.
NO ONE gets to the Father
apart from me.' "
John 14:6
With people my age and younger passing away, it's difficult not to think about the eventuality that comes to all of us. I pray, too, that we all know our Lord and Savior before our day of judgment is upon us. Blessings, Lulu!
ReplyDeleteIt has become urgent that I share the good news. Time is flying.
DeleteBlessings, Martha!