In the list of blogs I read is Ann Voskamp's  "A Holy Experience" (Click to read her blog).  She addresses having key women in our lives and the need to not judge each other.  It began the wheels turning.

Ann speaks of those family members who insisted upon perfection in her past--for one less than prone to be ever concerned over bouncing coins on beds.  Perhaps her aversion and defensiveness over tidiness and neatness comes from the inability to let go of past expectations.  Expectations which though denounced have left their mark since she flinches when she feels judgement by others.  Letting go of the disappointment we feel from not meeting the expectations of others can be difficult. Or does the wounds from the past haunt her today and the expectations are only those self imposed.

She speaks of others judging us---our dress--our house-keeping---our gardening--our physical characteristics--everything about us.  She calls for key women in our lives to unite and give us the freedom to be ourselves--with no judgement.

Two thoughts keep rolling around those turning wheels.  The first is we only judge others when we do not feel good about who we are.  Our suffering self images turn to debasement of those who surround us in an effort to drag ourselves off the cellar floor of poor self image.  Why else would we bother to compare and contrast--who/what we are with anyone else?  We quickly point out the neighbors weed filled flower beds while keeping the gate locked to our disastrous backyards.  We laugh about the messy house of our best friend, but forbid anyone to look under our beds or in our drawers.  We snicker over bargain store clothing, but hide our holey drawers under boutique jeans.  We pull others down in a failed desperate attempt to lift ourselves from the pit of despair.

In my true confession, I love my house to be spotless from top to bottom, all things should be in their place, order is a good thing in life.  My OCD when it comes to my house and yard---is my craziness.  I have no expectations for anyone else -even my family and do not judge others attempts.  My obsession has actually served me well and I enjoy the fruits of  well ordered surroundings. In my current state of maturing years, I have learned to not stress over temporary mess created in the joy of a moment.  Remembering the mess is only temporary, but the memories are eternal.   Over the edge--perhaps--but it does not spill over into judgement--it does color who I am.  

So yes, Ann has a valid point---we have a need for key people in our lives--but instead of them validating who we are---I prefer they walk along side of me in truth.  If there is a need of correction, love me enough to tell me.  If I am doing it well, pat me on the back.  Key people help us unlock the great potential of who we are.  Anyone guilty of judgement based upon superficiality is no friend--no key person--Why would you listen to them?  Why would their judgement matter?  

One of God's greatest gifts--friends.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17


  1. the best of friends can validate, truth tell, or simply walk gently besides. she's smart enough to know when to speak and when to keep it quiet.

    she is a rare bird.

  2. "If I am doing it well, pat me on the back."

    You are doing well Lulu. Your blog is full of wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for that.

    God bless.

    1. Bless you, Victor! Thank you for the encouragement!

  3. I am Guilty, guilty, guilty. I totally agree with your previous comment. Great post..Blessings

    1. We ALL are guilty, Linda. Not to say--we cannot stop and consider WHY we are judging. It is NEVER as simple as it seems!
      Blessings to You, Friend!


Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!