Friday, November 21, 2014

A LIGHT IN THE WINDOW

Most of you know exactly who you are---your identity is no secret.  I have spent the past two + years mulling over exactly who I am and what makes me tick. For some deep psychological reason--middle child or some such psycho mumbo jumbo--most of my life I have tried with all my might to be the person you all expected me to be.  I watched television, I went to movies, I read books, I scanned every advertisement searching for who I was expected to be.  I looked to The Joneses next door, the Mother Theresa's in the news, The Walton's on the tube, and any other important icon of perfection during my lifetime for inspiration as to who I should be.

I listened to my mother--I listened to important loved ones---I listened to my friends---I listened to my spiritual mentors---always trying to emulate their desires for me.  My need for approval over-rode any self examination and exploration of me.  I slowly morphed into the perfect example of all everyone else wanted me to be.

WHAM--a huge fall--and a long time in the pit of despair.  As I slowly pulled myself back into the light of day, I began to search for who I was, what my gifts were, and who God wanted me to be.  After a lifetime of faltering and inability to please man---BAM---I finally figured out---I need to discover "Who God designed me to be" and contentment would begin to emerge.

I made a visit to my forever home-Ruston-this past week.  Finally I returned with a peaceful heart and joyful spirit.  God revealed a wonderful thing to me---I LOVE my friends--deeply.  He has lavished me with the blessing of deep friendships and I care greatly for each and every one of you.  The light is always on in my window--and in my heart--welcoming all of you.  So--Who am I?--I am a friend---a good friend---a friend blessed by our conversations--and privileged to share with you and serve you.  A part of the puzzle has been colored in--but I am still searching.




I also discovered my writing has evolved, at times, into an effort to seek your approval by words on the page.  There are days my writing is not God inspired, but instead a plea for acceptance and affirmation.  All this time while driving home produced insight and insight has brought change.  I will blog when inspired by God--and I am leaving the timetable up to Him.  I love to write--but when the writing becomes an exercise in seeking approval--the motives are wrong.

So there will not be a blog everyday-unless He inspires me.  If you sign up as a follower, you will receive an email when I publish a new one.  The other alternative is to check my blog.  The final alternative is to find one of MANY bloggers who inspire you, motivate you, and entertain you to read instead.  

The "Real Me" is slowly emerging--and with time--He will show me all I need to know--but for now--I am content with what I know--and discovering I am a pretty good person who surprise-surprise---I would enjoy being friends with.



And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32

10 comments:

  1. Dear Lulu.

    Yes. Yes. I hear you well 'cause I struggle with the same things. Join the club. And I'm guessing that this endless need for affirmation, approval, and strokes is rampant in this social media culture. I fight it, I pray over it, I aim to write for His approval and not the applause of the tribe.

    Hard stuff this is.

    Yep, throw the writing schedule out the window and write when He puts something on your heart. It's bound to be rich and creative and deep ... for that's who He is.

    Love to you, friend ...

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    1. It IS a struggle--my OCD is at this moment pushing the alarm button---"TIME TO WRITE!". He will work a good work in me though---I KNOW!

      So glad He sent me to your blog - the friendship that has developed has blessed me tremendously.

      Love & Blessings to you!

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  2. Lora, thanks for your honesty and vulnerability. As a recovering people pleaser myself, you put words to many of my own long-term struggles WITH and misguided "solutions" TO the question of "identity." It's exhausting to live that way, isn't it? I'm glad you are seeing the truth that you are a FRIEND. (We have seen that all along!)

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    1. The trick is looking at Mother Theresa and appreciating who God made her---but also knowing that is not who He intended me to be. It will come---it will take time---but I am patiently anticipating the unveiling in my heart of His desires for me.

      For now---I am so blessed to call you and Cindi, Friend!

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    2. The best plan, move when HE says move. We have given our hearts to Jesus but it takes a lifetime to give it to Him. There is such a stiring of His peoples hearts by His Spirit, now as I've never seen before. So many believers around the world are patiently anticipating His next move in their lives and stepping when He says step. Watching things come together which can only be explained as His direction. It has been a joy watching Him work in your life and looking to what comes next. As you said follow Him. Prayers and Prayers,

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    3. I am but a shadow of the person I was six years ago---and the new me---the me that he dragged from the pit of despair---is filled with the knowledge of who He is! I am thankful for your faithful prayers and support during those days and allowing Him to use you to minister to me. Blessings, Dear LONG Time Friend!

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  3. I disagree. You are a different person than you were. You have emerged from that pit of despair a stronger, more vulnerable, wiser and more God loving woman. I believe our trials are God's way of making us more sympathetic and empathetic to those around us who are going thru the same difficulties. You are growing in His Grace. I am still struggling with who I am in the sight of God and man. The picture you painted is me. You are loved and a true friend.

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    1. We are all works in progress striving to learn from the perfect example. I still have my days--but I know how far He has brought me and am so thankful. One of the things I learned---do not be so hard on yourself. So my advice to you--do not be so hard on yourself. One of my greatest blessings---my beloved friends!

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  4. This is an honest post - yet again. I hope you don't mind some honest advice.

    You are a person created and loved by God. You have a right to be here and you need not please anyone or seek approval from anyone. If someone does not like you, or does not like what you say or write, that is their problem not yours. It probably says more about them than it says about you.

    Everyone of God's creatures is precious, and we need no one's approval except His. There are no rejects off His production line.

    I would also recommend that you stick to a schedule of writing regularly, every day even. Even when you have nothing to say; so that you don't get out of the habit of writing. Yours is a Blog which shines a little hope in a world of darkness. If you slow down on your writing you are most likely to stop altogether.

    When you have nothing to say; just say so. "Nothing to say today. Hope you're all well out there. How's your weather?"

    See - it's simple.

    Extra prayers for you today.

    God bless.

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    1. No, Victor, I welcome your good advice. I will pray about what you have said--the really funny thing is I just wrote a really silly Saturday post-as is my habit. I believe I need to make sure--Mon-Fri---God is speaking and not Lulu--think that is all I am trying to say.

      Bless You, Friend!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!