Wednesday, March 25, 2015

GRIEF REVISITED



I am struggling with a recurrence of what seems to be chronic grief. The tidal waves of loss roll over me at times without warning and at other times  triggered by an unexpected event. Thinking about my sweet friends who have lost children- those who have lost spouses and siblings-those who live with disabled children who will always need care-those with severe and debilitating illness-anyone who faces a life which has taken a turn they never thought possible--and understanding now how uniquely and unpredictably each of us walk this path of grief, I wonder if I will ever cross the bridge into peace.

"Just get over it"---OH I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!  You do not have to tell me to "Get Over It!"---I have told myself that more times than I care to count.  This is NOT a choice--my choice would be erasing the pain--tucking away the memories behind a closed door and moving forward.  It sounds so simple!  I have not found the door much less the key as much as I would like to.  If I only had a switch to turn my thoughts off!  

"Work through the stages and find release."  What I have learned is  many of the stages have to be relived over and over.  With each trigger, I have to review what has been dredged over the coals so many times it should be ashes and dust.  Perhaps the psychologist who came up with the five stages of grief forgot the multiplying factor of numerous trips down the list.  If ONLY it were so easy!  I will march down this list and be done with it--I SO WISH!

"Pray"---OH THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME!  I wonder if God grows weary of the same prayer over and over.  Does he ever tire of my "OH, GOD," ?  I know the scripture--claim the promises--understand Who He is--and am thankful for His faithful presence.  Why then do I feel at times as if I am returning to Square One?  My constant prayer is for this to be used for His Good Glory.

"Get Busy"--I promise you--I stay busy!  With four young grands here in town and volunteering--and writing--and gardening--and all the other busyness--I am not idle.  You cannot fill every minute of every hour of the day---and then there are the nights I cannot fall asleep--wake up at 2 in the morning--with the same thoughts rolling around in my head.  It is not my desire to spend sleepless nights trying to make sense of the senseless.

"Just Move On"---I do not have my running shoes on---I have my roller skates on.  SO ready to move on---It is not from lack of trying, I assure you.  I got my passport, bought the ticket, packed my bag, and started the car.  For some strange reason I cannot get it out of neutral and the scenery here in the rut of grief can be tiring and dismissal.

So I leave you with this---for all of us-who are grieving-this is NOT a cesspool of self-pity that we enjoy wallowing in endlessly. The fall into the quicksand of despair is not our life's ambition.  YES--we are living--yes we know we are blessed--and YES WE WANT TO MOVE ON.  It is not as simple as it might sound.  I pray you never have to understand where I am coming from.


Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

12 comments:

  1. Loralu...wow. Great, honest post. And--ironically--REALLY encouraging in a blogosphere where everything is Five Steps to Joy or Four Simple Keys to Getting Unstuck. I know this will touch a nerve--even better, lots of hearts.

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    1. It all sounds so simple when you "Read the Book". IF ONLY!
      I pray others will see they do not stand alone, Len.

      Bless You, Friend!

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  2. As always....well put and well said.

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    1. You have often been such an encouragement to me, Shawn.

      Bless You!

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  3. Lulu, I hope what I'll say here will help.

    We cannot control our thoughts and griefs, especially when the thoughts re-occur over and again at a moment's notice and bring with them past sadness and pain. That's the way we have been made by Our Lord. Memories and thoughts will continue to come.

    But we CAN control them. Whenever they occur we can hand over the whole situation to God. We pray that although we are saddened by the examples you give above (sweet friends who have lost children, those who have lost spouses and siblings, those who live with disabled children, those with severe and debilitating illness) we hand over these people and these situations to God in the sure knowledge that He is in control and He will look after each person and situation prayed for.

    When Christ looks at the scars in His hands and feet and side, He remembers past memories - and I am sure He forgives and prays for us once again.

    God bless.

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    1. Yes, Victor, exactly like the steps of grief, we must relive handing it over to Him over and over. I am thankful He understands and never grows impatient with me taking it all back, so that I must hand it over again.

      Bless You, Friend!

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  4. For those of us who're traveling these roads we grab your hand and invite you to take another breath, another step with His strength. No quick fix, no easy words but He's carried me many many days.

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    1. Yes, Denise, I KNOW you get it!

      Blessings, Friend!

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  5. I am sitting here with you, friend. I hear your heart and the pain that's emerging. May the penning of your powerful words and knowing that you are not alone encourage your spirit ...

    Can I give you a hug?

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    1. I feel your presence and your sweet hug, Linda. God has blessed me with your friendship over the past months and I am thankful for you wisdom.

      Blessings!

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  6. Likely you may have already considered or actually visited with a grief counselor. Perhaps it might be useful to visit with your primary care physician and seek some form of medication that would be non-addictive but would help you over the rough spots.

    Your ER doctor may know of someone in the medical community that could be helpful. Many my ideas are not particularly spiritual but more practical in nature. I think sometimes being practical may just be a good direction to move in when attempting to solve a reoccurring problem.

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    1. Thank you for you concern and suggestions, Ronny. .I have a counselor and have been down the medication path before--not this time. More on the subject tomorrow. It is not all sad---I still smile, laugh, and love. Having spent the afternoon helping with the four grands--I also stay busy!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!