Thursday, June 25, 2015

VICTIM MENTALITY

My friend, Cindi, posted a GREAT blog yesterday here.  She is a talented writer and I have no higher praise than to say SHE inspired today's post-she started the wheels turning--IMMEDIATELY!

There is a laughing joke between my older brother and I about our childhood.  He says I would yell, "MOMMA!" just to get him in trouble when he was doing nothing.  Now SOMEWHERE in this tale is the truth---perhaps I might have made a preemptive strike a time or two-KNOWING he was going to hit me if we were in the same room for longer than 5 minutes.   I have always laughed and said when I have bone cancer in my arm, it was caused from him punching me every time we passed.  SOMEHOW we survived our childhood--I survived the punches--no cancer--and he survived Momma.  I got the easy end of that equation.

Our nation has become a nation of victims.  We shirk our responsibility for our own actions and blame any and all possible causes.  Why we even explain away mass murder with bad childhoods.  We look to the sins of generations past to give us a pass on our own poor behavior and failure to thrive today.  A long litany of excusing our failures come to mind --

POOR GRADES--my parents never helped me study

POOR DRIVING--I drive just like my dad

POOR MANNERS--no one ever taught me

POOR SPEECH--I talk like those around me

And THOSE are the more innocent examples.  The more serious ones include-

PREJUDICE--Learned at the feet of my forefathers

FAILURE TO SUCCEED-Our people are never given a chance

SORRY PARENTING--I parent like I was parented

MASS MURDER--I was bullied my entire life.

NOW---our past circumstances certainly affect our current behavior--UNLESS--we redeem those circumstances and refuse to play the victim.


In my own life, I have played the victim and savored the righteous indignation of others for my poor treatment.  The truth of the matter is there are always two sides to every story---AND---my perception of truth may not be another's.  Until I tire of victim status and claim the crown of victor, I will be exactly where Cindi described--STUCK!  No forward motion --no movement beyond being a victim--no hope for a better day while stuck in the victim mentality.

How are things redeemed?  How do we move forward?  The first step is the acknowledgement of where we are---STUCK.  The next step is recognizing we can not only move past our circumstance, but we can redeem them by changing our course of action.  Put the past behind, by refusing to play the role of victim any longer and take charge of moving forward.  I promise you---it is not one simple act---it is a day to day process.  I made a conscious effort to parent better than I was parented.  AND then there were those days I found myself acting exactly the way I abhorred during my childhood.  My choice was the victim claim of my childhood or start again the redemption process.  I could be stuck in the victim mode or move forward and claim the prize of doing better.  

I am not a victim---I am a victor---How about you?


37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:37








13 comments:

  1. Great post, I did visit Cindi's blog, did not leave a comment, need to think/reflect a bit before I do. My first reaction to here is, oh oh. Not reading tea leaves, mind you. I am not sure about the fore fathers---we might have different view points (which is ok)---give me a holler if you like. Great post, Lulu. Always thoughtful and such. Blessings

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    1. I will email you Friend. Interested in what you are thinking!

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  2. I'm glad my post inspired you. I just wanted everyone else to squirm like me...misery loves company:-) Thanks Loralu.

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    1. Did not occur to me to ask- hope you didn't mind the share.
      Blessings, Friend

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  3. Very timely, as this has been a topic of discussion throughout Blogland and other friends. [Please, the following is not directed at you, just putting in the atmosphere for prosperity, so to speak.] :) As for the fore fathers, this blaming them for real or alledged "sins" is getting tiresome. We are all children of Adam and subject to the same failings. We would certainly perform no differently than they if we where born in their time. If this is concerning the current events, it's The Left attacking the South again as if they are without sin. As true believers in the Christ our first mission is to ignore all these rent a mob rabble rousers and keep preaching His love. There is no other hope for us or our Nation. Just my two cents.
    Have a blessed day dear lady. ~:)

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    1. Original sin-blame shifting ! Thank you for challenging is all with your two cents , Friend!
      Blessings !

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  4. Great post... Reading recently, was struck by, "Be thankful for the disappointments, heartaches, tragedies in our life, not because of them, but better, they point us to the one who offers comfort and mercy and strength and love and eternity with Him. No victum here, just a child redeemed at a "very high price".. be blessed.

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  5. Hi Lulu! I think it takes a real 'adult status' to take responsibility for our own actions in what we experience. I have certainly enjoyed people chiming in with their indignation over what has happened to me too. It feels good to have support. But was I fair in my description of what happened? Probably not.

    If I have failures (and I DO), then they are my business to correct. Blaming is not going to help me get any better.
    I'll wander over and visit your friends post!
    Ceil

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    1. Ceil, when I was finally brave enough to stand up & accept responsibility for my messes- I felt as if I had been set free! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You always leave me thinking.
      Blessings, Friend!

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  6. Christ came to change the inner man not the outer man. And it is only by allowing HIm to change us that we can be "unstuck" in our attitudes about our fellow man and ourselves. Mankind can do nothing about the past but learn from it and not make the same mistakes again. So it is with our lives. But I have learned it is only with God's help and a deliberate action on my part that I can let the past go. Loved your insight on this topic.

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    1. "Deliberate action"-exactly! And even then only with the strength given us by the Father! This is something we all could gain by pondering !

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  7. I never blame my problems on my forefathers. I blame them all on Adam. If he hadn't listened to eve ... and if she hadn't listened to the snake ... then things would have been different.

    What business did she have talking to a snake anyway? If I was naked in Paradise and met a snake I'd be worried in case he bit my delicate bits. Not engage in conversation with him.

    This whole thing does not make sense. But it was their fault and I'm sticking to my excuse.

    God bless.

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    1. Thank you for bringing lightness to the table, Victor. I
      Blessings!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!