I am working on over-coming this---in my on-going quest to figure out who I am. I am who I am---a dukes mixture of James-Gillespie. I forget those who would love to have my skinny genes (got some of those skinny jeans too). I ignore those who desire the muscle definition-long and lean--that others work really hard to get. I forget my easy laugh and smile that takes in my entire face. I forget I look like those who loved me from the beginning. It is not easy to remember I am more than what I see in the mirror.
OH--but I have strayed from my purpose...if someone painted your portrait---would you dare to let the world see you for who you are? I am reading a book about the great painters throughout the ages. Rembrandt was known for his uncanny ability to capture his subjects for who they were. He could take the grotesque and reveal the beauty of it. I dare say---most of us want a royal portrait--with no flaws--no wrinkles--and no window into our soul. Why the truth of the matter is--I have hazel eyes--so they change---depending upon what I am wearing--the day--what is happening in my life. So exactly as my eyes change colors---who I am also changes---not in a day's time--but moment by moment.
If one of the great masters painted me---for who I am--not who I wish I was--who I desire to be--who I strive to be---but for the person I am in that moment, what would I see when I studied that portrait? Would I like what I see---would I be satisfied with my reflection--or would the truth of the image break my heart? If I saw the reflection of the scars--the lumps-sags--and discolorations, would they reflect the beauty of a life well lived or would they feed me the lie of ugly? Would the lines, wrinkles, and age spots that came from living in the sun--laughing-and crying be the image of life lived to the fullest--or would it scream of imperfection?
What would I see---if I dared to strip down to the truth--
“Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”