Friday, January 5, 2018

DOES MAMMA KNOW BEST?

Recently I heard a story about a widow who after several years of being alone is remarrying.  Her children are not happy.



I was thrown back in time to my mother's marriage to my step father.  My father died when I was 14, and my mother somehow successfully raised three children on her own without him. It was NOT an easy boat to row!



When I was in my early twenty's, Mamma married my step father~Bill.  He was an interesting man~Bless his heart!  Some of the family did not like Bill--and for certain his children did not like Mamma, but they married without asking for anyone's consent.  His wife had not been deceased a short time, and Mamma was quite a bit younger--it was a recipe for disaster.  They knew very little about each other and for sure their relationship had not stood the test of time.  The odds were not in their favor AND most of the adult children were not in favor of the union.  They proved everyone wrong in a grand fashion!




Fast forward over a decade later, Bill passed away on a trip.  He looked up at a red light and slumped over--gone in an instant.  Against all odds, Mamma and Bill had a great marriage.  They traveled extensively, he helped her save for her retirement, and they greatly enjoyed each other's company.  I reminded my brothers of telling them, "Bill is going to take care of Mamma," when they married.  He did just that and she was probably the happiest she had ever been during those years of their marriage.  After Bill passed, we were once again in the care giving roles with families of our own also.  HOW WE MISSED BILL!




WHAT could be the point of this story?  God tells us to raise our children and allow them to leave and cleave to their spouse--when the time is right.  I think I speak for most parents when I say we miss our children--now that they are grown and living in their own primary family unit.  I raised my children to be independent and well functioning adults--NOT to be my caretaker-- NOT to hover around me because I miss them.  SO--as we allow our children to fly--our children should allow us to fly also.  It is NOT all about them---their happiness with our circumstances is not of primary importance.  

I am very blessed that my children all encouraged me to move back to Ruston--farther away from them all.  They wanted mom to have a full life--not just a life revolving around them.  They looked beyond their own personal desires and remembered what might be best for me.  They were willing for me to leave their sides ~ take wing and fly~to hopefully live a rich and full life--back in my hometown.




SO--morale of the story---think beyond your own preferences and trust your loved ones to make the best choices for themselves.  There is no need to be the rescue squad---if we make bad choices ~ as adults--we can pick ourselves up--brush off--and try again.  Honor your mother and father--by honoring their choices and standing by their sides.  Love them as they have loved you--by being willing to let go and watching them bloom where they are planted.  Live as God intended--beyond yourself--with the happiness of others foremost.


Let each of you look not only to his own interests, 
but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:4

7 comments:

  1. I can tell you, my married not long after my father in law passed...my husband was not very happy about this and after 20+ years, he still isn't. Oh, they get along, but she is pushing my husband/her son to call him Dad. He told the husband, "Please don't think I am rude, but my daddy is in the cemetery. I was well into my late twenties when my dad died and you came along." Both of them are ill health, and make decisions worse than a 2 year old. But, your right, whose business is it? Unfort. we learned hard lessons when my father in law passed away, she took off and left a mess, unfort. nothing has changed, even if she is remarried. We are always left cleaning up the mess.

    ANYWAYS, great post, Lulu. Another one to ponder on.

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    1. my mil, sorry got left out. lol

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    2. Remember these wise words, “All families are a mess at best.”! LOL!!
      Blessings, My Friend!

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  2. I am not sure I agree with having to get/gain someone's consent before getting married. When I got married, many years ago, I went to my future father-in-law and, like a gentleman, who I am, I asked him for his daughter's hand. He said, "What do you want her hand for?" I said, "You don't understand. I want her to have my name!" He replied, "Why should she change her name to Victor?" In desperation I spelled it out and said, "I want to marry your daughter!" He said, "Have you seen her mother?" I said, "Yes, but I still prefer to marry your daughter!" He shook his head and said, "Pity!"

    When we were expecting our first baby my wife told her mother, "I am pregnant!" The mother asked, "Are you sure it's yours?"

    OK Lulu, I've run out of jokes ... for now. But I agree with you. Marriage and love are wonderful, whatever age we are. As they say, "Marriage is a three-ringed institution. First we have the engagement ring. Then the wedding ring. Then the suffering!"

    Keep smiling. God bless.

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    1. Suffering!!! Oh, Goodness! Thank you for my late afternoon laugh!
      Blessings, Victor!

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  3. Such great thoughts on remarriage, adult choices, and raising children to be independent. We really must respect the choices our parents and children make, even when we don't think they are great ones at the time.
    Blessings, Loralu!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!