Thursday, January 4, 2018

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS DIFFICULT

Recently I had a conversation with a friend whose really good friend had suffered a blow none of us should ever have to endure.  My friend commented on how hard it was to sit with her friend and watch her unbelievable grief and loss.  My reply was, "It's not easy to love our friends well when we see their pain."




Why do we hear those who are suffering and in pain often say they feel deserted and so alone?  The truth of the matter is --it is really - really difficult to stand by and see our loved ones devastated.  We feel so helpless knowing there is not one thing in this world we can do to alleviate their pain.  We are grossly uncomfortable and at a loss as to how we should help.  There is not one thing we can do.  Add to that our "survivor's guilt," and immense relief that this didn't happen to us and we have the perfect storm of wanting to turn tail and run.




Here is all you need to know--our presence is all that is required.  A listening ear--a shoulder to cry on--an abiding presence is all we can do.  That is enough.  Especially when it is difficult---our presence is needed---required---mandated.  Though we can do nothing to lessen the pain--we can stand by their side--and sometimes that is enough.  Knowing someone cares---someone is willing to be uncomfortable with our suffering---someone is courageous enough to subject themselves to great discomfort with their inability to help--that goes a LONG way.




So don't turn and run--stand firm.  Don't avoid the subject--there is no avoiding the elephant in the room.  Don't give them space--do give them time.  When the world is at its worst--the love of another can be the bridge to hope.  Being willing to walk beside them as they trek the path of grief speaks volumes of how much we care for them.  Especially when it is difficult--stand firm and be a consistent presence.



A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. 
Proverbs 17:17

8 comments:

  1. A wonderful post, thank you Lulu. smiles

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    1. The Holidays have been filled with many suffering huge losses and they also are the most difficult time of the year for many who are grieving. A reminder to me & all the others who read my ramblings.
      Blessings!

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  2. Hey, Loralu. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I don't have to have answers during someone else's difficulties. I just need to be there. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. Many answers will not come this side of Eternity. After I wrote this, I thought of God's abiding presence--through it all--and wished I had spoken of His example.
      Blessings, My Friend!

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  3. Grief, raw grief comes to us in so many forms. When we feel we have worked our way through it, it rears its ugly head again - a song, a gathering, a familiar face, just memories and there we are again. I do not think grief, be it a death, a serious illness, or being betrayed in a marriage ever leaves us. There is always that spark, that ember that can reignite those guttural feelings. We need those friends that are there for us much later too. I lost my best friend who was there for me when I neded her n my grief to an unforgiving illness. I then grieved for her friendship I had lost and have never been able to replace it or come near to fndng a friend lke that. These friends are few and far between. It reminds me to be that kind of friend.

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    1. Joyce, losing your friend, was grief upon grief. And, yet, you took that loss and vowed to be a friend like the example she gave you. Living beyond ourselves is sometimes the best solution to rising above the tidal waves of grief. You are an example to all of us of how to live beyond our pain.
      Thank you for sharing & Blessings!

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  4. I've had dear friends come alongside me in a time of immeasurable grief. Just having them there was such a comfort. May we all be that kind of friend to another.
    Blessings, Loralu!

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    1. What a blessing our friends can be!
      Blessings, Martha!

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Your comments keep my writing and often cause me to think. A written form of a hug or a pat on the back and an occasional slap into reality---I treasure them all!