I have been locked down since March 13. Following the rules, and trying to be a good citizen and neighbor, I have been questioned why I think this is necessary. I have been reminded I only have one risk factor---OLD AGE. And then my kids remind me I am vulnerable-- "Stay home, MOM!" AND right up the street is my sweet niece, who if she sees me in my car, will stop me and ask where I am going. I am thankful for being so cared for.
My reason for being extremely cautious is two fold---I would NOT want to transmit the disease--even unknowingly. There seems to be some who have the opinion that the loss of some human life is a acceptable cost of not being inconvenienced. As for myself, I am willing to stay home if it means I am not responsible for your grandparents or parents loss. What a heavy burden to my conscious it would be to know my desire to go somewhere caused the loss of a loved one.
My second reason is totally selfish of me. I laughingly tell people, I do not care to suffer~I don't do suffering well. OH, I laugh it off, but there is a huge element of truth in this statement. COVID, if you are one of the ones badly affected, will cause suffering and even a mild case is no cake walk. NOW--there is no barometer for who will be dangerously sick and who will not. Certainly older adults are more negatively affected, but there are young and old alike filling the ICU beds across the country. I have read about the varied symptoms and none of them sound like a ball of fun. AGAIN, I do not want to suffer.
As I walked my circles around the Hood in the early morning twilight today, it occurred to me I have an aversion to suffering in many areas including relationships. Fear and reluctance have become barriers for entertaining deepening of some relationships~fear of the possibility of suffering. How quickly I forget the benefits of deep relationships--the blessings love offers--instead I dwell on the pain that a relationship might entail.
The most important thing I tend to forget when trying to avoid suffering is the most tangible feeling of the presence of Jesus has come in my deepest suffering. He is always present, but I am most aware in my times of greatest suffering. He walks by my side, upholds me with His strong right arm, and holds my tears.
So my take away, it is almost a sure bet, I will suffer again--before I leave this temporary home. BUT---suffering does not negate the blessings along the path which eventually lead to suffering. AND--Jesus is present--ALWAYS--and I am especially aware of Him being near in periods of greatest suffering.