FRAILTY

 What comes to mind when I write the word-frailty?

My Kids love to pick at me about using my age as my favorite excuse.  There is a lot of truth in that---if I don't want to do something---I tell them I'm too old.  I have a big birthday coming in December and my classmates are getting together this weekend to celebrate our year to reach three quarters of a century.  WOW---when I say 75 I don't even flinch, but when I back up and realize what percentage of a century I have lived--WELL WOW!  There has been a LOT of water under the bridge--and some of it has been quite muddy!

In many ways, I HAVE become my mother.  She was the queen of doing exactly as she pleased and saying what ever came to mind.  GUILTY!  Truthfully I have stopped making excuses (except with the kids).  If I don't want to do something, I say a firm NO---thank you, but NO.   I like things to go my way-- SHOCKER!  

One of the things that has changed about me---gradually--but certainly---is I no longer feel the need to convince anyone of the error in their thinking.  The fractious world we live in has finally taught me you cannot change anyone's mind by arguing.  It goes back to the "The Eyes You Look Through".  Also I might be too tired to make the effort--I am old.  Why waste my breath?  Also, I have peace about others having different opinions.  That is what makes the world interesting. 

With all the self examination I do, it has finally dawned upon me that I am becoming cantankerous.  You all know I moved into an apartment this past summer.  What I have not revealed is the reason.  It turns out I am difficult to live with.  NOW----my roommates NEVER said that---BUT as I said---self examination.    I like things my way---as I have already stated and find my lack of physical flexibility in my old age has also spilled over into a rigidness about my surroundings.  In retrospect it was not fair to my roomies to be in the middle of their lives either.  We all need room to be ourselves without always having to think of anyone beyond our nucleus family.  Lesson Learned.   We live close, we see each other often, but I am no longer in the middle of anyone's business.  

SO---the question becomes---with the final chapters winding down---how will I end the story?  That remains to be seen, but I know it will take conscious effort to finish well.  My self examination has revealed many important truths including these-

While age is just a number--there is no denying the slow physical decline.  I no longer climb trees or get on roofs.  Good sense tells me a broken bone at this point is a BIG DEAL.    I no longer walk or run miles upon miles---my body reminds me daily I just might have overdone that.  My ability to go-go-go has been cut short by the need for a short nap almost everyday.  Medicare reminds me quite frequently of my being in the "high risk" group.

The need to be truthful about my shortfalls and feet of clay (frailties of man).  My justification of my actions does not make them right.  I am sinful--I can be narcissistic--but God loves me in spite of me.  In fact God loves me because He created me and I am His.  He loves me so much---that He accepts me---even when I am not my best--filled with excuses--cantankerous--self indulging----He loves me.  SO THANKFUL!

"Even to your old age I will be the same,

And even to your graying years, I will carry you!"

Isaiah 46:4