There are times I become frustrated when others do not take my good advice. I can see the errors of their ways and have a good solution for them. My blogging friend, Martha, commented on THIS blog about how painful it can be to sit back and listen without inserting our advice, wisdom, or opinion. Yes, as discussed in the blog that day, when we are a born "fixer", it absolutely goes against our grain to not give our good advice. With every ounce of my being I want to "come up with a plan" to solve their dilemma. Most of the time, when others are speaking with me--they are not looking for a solution---many times only affirmation--others help with processing by listening.
My sister in law commented she was praying for the Holy Spirit to convict her of the need to keep her mouth shut and just listen. She is like me--a middle child---born fixers. Many times we think a change needs to be made by the speaker. We see the error in their ways--and know if only they would change--it would be their answer. BUT---they are not going to change--just because we think they should. Many flat down right refuse to change. We might come away from the conversation frustrated for their refusal to change, but the real frustration is with the speaker.
The only one in this two way conversation we have any control over is ME. I am the one in need of change. I am the one who may need to change my way of doing things. When we hit the brick wall of frustration over another being unwilling to change their ways---we have to recognize and realize---we cannot force anyone to do anything. SO the change may need to be in myself---I might need to recognize there is a limit in control over the actions of others. I might need to graciously listen--and realize--no matter what my feelings---I have no control over anyone else.
With my change in attitude, I am taking myself off the throne. How much better would my life be if I could quit trying to be the one with all the answers. If I could back away, keep still, and listen. There is always the opportunity to change--the question is am I willing?
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests,
but also to the interests of others."
Philippians 2:4
That's a monumentaltask LuLu and you will definitely need God’s help. Learning to listen more and talk less is no easy task, Ronny
ReplyDeleteI am not a middle child, but oldest. I have alwsys felt responsible to give othets guidance I feel they need. When they did not see it my way, I just became irritated, anxious, and frustrated. I have learned to back off a little and i feel better. . Joyce
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