I am a middle child, female, and a mother. This combination makes me prone to being "A Fixer". I once prided myself in being a good listener. My most recent read has me humbled and realizing while I am listening---I am also going through -in my head---how to help you fix whatever your problem, concern, or hurdle you are facing. I do not like watching those I love suffering or being in pain. My immediate go to is remedying the situation. The truth of the matter is there is not always a remedy ---some things are not fixable. This causes me great discomfort and I strongly suspect, to my chagrin, might prompt avoidance or fleeing. That--I am NOT proud of.
I have been challenged to learn to listen---without trying to fix it. Every ounce of my being wants to cure the problem, remedy the situation, or at a minimum give good advice. BUT--could it be---my call is to listen without anything more than sympathy, empathy, or great concern? Can I sit still---keep quiet---and just listen? As I thought this over, I remembered the great pain I was in when my marriage collapsed. I was very careful who I talked it over with and quickly learned when to keep my mouth shut. Those who were willing to sit and listen--help me bear my pain and sorrow by just listening--were the ones who helped me the most. As I sat there and talked it over---I was verbally processing---coming to terms with the situation. Is it not true that the therapist's job is to help YOU answer your own questions? At the end of the day, the best help we can provide is a listening ear.
Even when I am communicating (praying) with God, He is not verbally offering an answer. He is faithfully sitting with me and letting me process. Many times He then points in poignant ways to the answer. He never immediately gives me an answer---instead He listens and patiently and lovingly sits by my side while I grieve, bemoan my sorrow, rant over frustrations, or scream with disbelief. He can hear my pain, count my tears, and with great tender care provide the ear to hear. Hopefully I have learned a lesson--though it will take effort to change. After a lifetime of trying to fix everything---I have learned I was wrong in most cases. Lord, give me a touch of Your patience to sit and listen-without judgement, without need to expound. Help me to love as you love us---and listen.
"I wait patiently for the Lord;
He inclined to me and heard my cry."
Psalm 40:1
It can be such a painful process to simply sit back and listen to the concerns of loved ones and not want to "fix" them, Lulu. I, too, have learned from experience that we simply can't do that. As much as we try because we love them, we must leave our hopes for them in God's hands, giving thanks and praise that He loved us in the first place. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI learned so much from you book recommendation. Thank You!
DeleteBlessings!