DEAR DATING SERVICE

Dear--dear---Dating Service,

I certainly appreciate your constant attention---and sincere concern over my single status.  Obviously-you have my interest at heart---after all why else would you point out to the ENTIRE WORLD that I am in need of your services by placing multiple ads---everyday of the week on my facebook page AND sending me numerous emails offering your services.  

You CERTAINLY have NOT intended to point out the obvious--and your only desire is for my everlasting happiness with Prince Charming.  Pardon my skeptical attitude--but I've been looking around---have NOT spotted any Prince Charmings--in fact I believe they are all taken.   

 NOW surely you are NOT trying to solicit funds from me by playing on my emotional neediness?   I admit---I occasionally have my eyes on my navel--BUT surely I am NOT giving off desperate vibes?  Yes--I miss companionship---dinners with conversation instead of the Hallmark channel--and conversation with someone over 4---but I am learning to love---Popsicles, loading dump trucks, and dinner at Chic-fil a.  There's a LOT to be said for NO worry over what to wear and there is NEVER a lull in the conversation as long as we are talking about trucks--swimming or riding bikes.

So thank you for you constant un-ending attention to my relationship status---but I really do not need or want your services.  If you would kindly remove your ads from my facebook page and discontinue pointing out my obvious aloneness---I would greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely yours---
"L"