NEVER REALLY GONE

 There is a stark fact about the season of life I am currently in---my friends, family, and peers have been shrinking most of my life---but lately it seems to be a landslide.  My high school classmates are beginning to dwindle, I am now among the senior members of my family, many of my peers are dealing with serious health complications, and when those of younger generations begin to leave--it causes me to pause.  My days are numbered---only God knows the number---but I ask Him to use me as long as I am on this terrestrial ball.  Once again I must repeat----WE DO NOT GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE.  One realization I have recently had is Eternity with Jesus is more and more appealing.  My leaving does not frighten me---I know where I am headed, but those who have left before me that I loved dearly---I miss greatly.  There are times I stop and think about how I would love one more sit down with them---how I miss there physical presence---how my world has changed with their absence.  All because of my memories of the time we had together.

Moving has been a rehearsal of the final goodbye.  I am well know for my Irish Goodbyes---sneaking away--without fanfare.  With the stoic upbringing I had, I find it difficult to deal with sad "Goodbyes".  There is a wellspring of tears I have held back and stifled over a lifetime.  Occasionally the dam bursts--but I am once again---keeping them at bay.  My remedy for the tears flowing is to avoid the cause, quietly turn my back and walk away in order to keep it all in check.  Say what you will--but our upbringing is very difficult to ignore or overcome--for me especially in allowing others to see my pain.  Though I find myself teared up a great deal as I get older, I still have them carefully dammed up.  I no longer feel I should hide my grief, but do not want to make a public display of it.  So I save the river of tears---for moments of privacy.  

One of my recent moments of clarity is we always have those who have left us with us--in our memories.  As long as I am breathing---they are with me.  Even those who have been gone a long-long time---are present with us in our recollections of the past.  God gave us a memory---as a gift of solace for those no long physically with us.  When I am gone---my children and grandchildren will remember me---keep me with them---probably laugh a lot about all my quirks and foibles.  I really hope they remember me and smile---and laugh in fondness for who I am.  BUT--without God giving us these  memories--we would be truly gone.  SO--I am thankful for all those I remember---some daily--others on occasion of reminders of their impact on my life.  What a precious gift from God---our memories.  Today I leave you with a powerful quote~

"God gave us memory so that 

we might have roses in December."

J.M. Barrie