I have also lost some intangible things in this process. I lost a riding partner to talk away the long miles on those road trips. I lost a living-breathing presence in the vastness of my alone-ness. I lost an ear to hear my thoughts and a voice to respond to mine. I lost the one that understood the intricacies of this family. I lost the one that had shared the important days in the life of this family. I lost a person in my bed to reach out and touch when the night brought dread. I lost the warmth to turn and curl into when the cold of the night closed in around me. I lost a part of me that now I struggle to replace as if that part of my being has been amputated and I am left to compensate.
In the midst of the loss, I have found so much. I found a Father that loves me beyond my wildest dreams. I found Him who cares about me--my joys and my pains. I found One that knew me, knows me, and already knows my tomorrow, and yet loves me without fail. I found total acceptance and recognition of my beauty and grace. I found the One that loves me at my best and my worst and is ever faithful and present in it all. I found the deep well of love and concern that continually flows with the spring of mercy and the hope for tomorrow.
I might never have found all of this---had I not first lost so much.