expounding upon my current social status. It only seems right and fitting that I talk about my thoughts on future relationships to end this series. How many times have I been told there will be someone else--God is going to provide--you will love again. With good intentions, my sweet friends seem to think this will be the answer to what has occurred. It is NOT as simple as that!
Following the loss of my father when I was 14, my mother was alone for ten years---a lifetime of raising me and my brothers. She then married Bill---sweet Bill--who was not always so sweet. A man who was highly opinionated and sometimes difficult, I always kept my eyes upon the fact that he dearly loved my mother and took wonderful care of her. Our blended family was not so well blended. His children resented the fact their father remarried within a year of the sudden loss of their mother. The step brother and sister were quite different from us---almost spoke a different language. We had family dinners and the effort was made for a smooth transition into family--but it never happened in the ten + years before Bill left us. If Bill had a thought-positive or negative-he blurted it out. This caused hurt feelings and a word spoken aloud is a done deal---tough for some to forgive. When my brothers would complain about Bill and his hard corners, I would remind them "Remember he is taking care of Momma and we are going to miss him someday when we take that job over again." I proved correct in that statement. Momma had been very happy with Bill and I know she never achieved that level of happiness again--further evidence of being created to be in relationship.
It is extremely complex to think of another relationship at this point in my life. My children and grands have to be thought of--the complexity of drawing another into the circle of family. The need to put your covenant partner in front of this precious legacy as God has ordained. Further complication of blending this new partner's family into your circle of loved ones would give a run for the most complex organization chart ever created. You cannot automatically expect everyone to "Like" everyone--as evidenced by my own experience. Forcing the point could lead to estrangement due to bruised feelings. This is NOT to say that it does not happen---I have seen examples that are marvels of love and acceptance. Wonderful blended families who feel the same love for their steps as they do for the biological siblings. There are NO guarantees. Did Momma's happiness outweigh the awkwardness created by his and her families? ABSOLUTELY! I only wish Bill would have lived longer so she could have continued her happiness for a few more years. Complicated is such an inadequate word for the thought of all this.
Emotional baggage drug along into a new relationship makes my toes curl just to consider. My trust issues---created by life's circumstances-would rear their ugly head with any innocent cue that reminded me of the past. Is it fair to ask another to work with you as you strive to live beyond your past? How would I feel faced with the similar task of helping to work through another's past life? Am I a big enough person to put myself aside for the sake of another and what they have suffered? Important questions--that I am not sure I have an answer for.
One of my stock answers when someone tells me that I will love again is that "I don't have enough years left." After the experience of knowing someone for a lifetime, you become keenly aware of how long it takes for a relationship to grow and mature. The superficiality of those first years--the honeymoon--pass quickly enough and then you get to the nitty gritty of maturing your relationship. You begin to see the warts, quirks, wrinkles, idiosyncrasies that we all possess. This is the point in time you really begin to learn how to love--selflessly--without the need to change the other--but with the acceptance by grace. It takes a LONG time to grow a relationship into the full bloom of maturity. It makes my heart sing to see a long term good relationship--which has endured the ravages of life and time. Do I have enough years left to achieve that level of intimacy again?
With all this said---among all the negatives---it is a blessing to have a life partner. Someone to love and love me back seems to only be a dream. Life can be lonely--surrounded as we are with others. There is no substitute for a covenant partner who loves the Lord with all his heart. If God has this in His plans for me, I will be bowled over, but I am seeking His will and the path He has laid out for me. One thing I have definitely learned after eating the word every time I ever uttered it---NEVER SAY NEVER. Who but God knows what the future holds---and with Him all complications are a gentle wave in the tide of life. All things are possible---even the complicated!
"37 For nothing is impossible with God."
Luke 1:37
If you get two comments, I guess I don't know what I'm doing!! haha
ReplyDeleteMiss knowing you are in Ruston but I think it's awesome you made the giant move to be with children and grandchildren!! You are so right, we don't know what's in God's plan but we know HE has a plan and we will follow!!
Enjoy reading your posts even though I don't always comment.