CHECK UP

 

In my annual effort to keep Medicare Advantage off my back, (they will relentlessly call you), I am working on having all my parts checked.  Call it my 1,000 mile check up (or some number resembling the miles I have been this year--I gave my OCD a rest and quit keeping track of the miles some time ago.  The poor doctor is having to put up with a crotchety old woman.  When he got to the memory test, I told him I was not doing that.  He looked at me in surprise.  I said--"That stresses me out and at this stage of the game--we all have memory problems."  Bless His Heart---wonder what explanation he gave Medicare?  I did manage to make him turn red as a beet and laugh.  I DIGRESS!

The big test is the blood test and this is NO finger prick--this is the give us a pint test.  SO after digging around for a vein to do the blood work in three different places, they finally had enough blood to run all those tests.  I LOVE the fact that you can now go into your patient portal and look at the numbers yourself.  WELL--the familial predisposition to high cholesterol reared its ugly head.  My overall number went up 50 points from last year.  NOW, in my defense, I had a delicious piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting the night before at small group.  WORTH IT!  It might be time to also confess, I have been eating cheese (gasp) and crackers for lunch the last couple of months AND making my morning latte with cream added to the frothed almond milk.  BAD--BAD!!  Thankfully, my good cholesterol is really high and the doctor is NOT making me take those meds (DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT) to get the numbers down.  That high number of good cholesterol is probably the by--product of exercise, BUT I did not exercise enough to negate my poor eating habits.  SO new game in town, I am adding a supplement to help lower that number, increasing my exercise and giving up my daily cheese and cracker splurge (back to turkey--GOBBLE GOBBLE).  I am confessing my downfall,  leaving those bad habits behind, and turning over a new leaf.  I have been given another chance to avoid those meds I DO NOT want to take.  Thankful for second chances (or third, or fourth or fifth...)

As I thought this over, it occurred to me this little story is a great deal similar to the sin in our life.  We have to fess up and change our ways to have a better life.  Our good works will not negate the consequences of our sin.  We can NOT work our way out of the end results of sin.  There is only one way to leave it behind---confess and change  PERIOD.  End of Post- NO more needs to be said.

"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,

but the one who confesses 

AND renounces them finds mercy."

Proverbs 28:13

SMOKE SCREENS

 

We mortals are experts at hiding behind smoke screens.  Smoke screens come in all sizes, shapes, and forms AND for different uses.  Put me on the hot seat and I will get busy either changing the subject or deflecting the blame and shame.  NO ONE enjoys having the error of our ways pointed out.

Most of us learned this trick as a child.  I have really noticed this with my grands. I was so busy running in circles, I had no time to analyze the behavior of my own children.  With being a grandmother, I have the ability to step back and observe.  ALWAYS--someone else started the fight!  

 You have all heard me call original sin--blame shifting.  It seems to be a natural inclination to try get the light of blame shifted toward another person or thing.  Look in the media--it is there daily.  Why we have become a society who leans on the crutch of our past and current circumstances for an excuse for our bad behavior.  Why even marching toward my mid seventies, I look back 60 + years ago and blame my childhood for some of my craziness.  I DO tell myself---GET OVER IT!

GUESS WHAT ?  This is NOT where I am going today---it is what I would call a lead in.

As I was thinking over my prayer life and weak attempt at a prayer life at times, it occurred to me I was deflecting while praying.  In the name of compassion and empathy, I focus a great deal of my prayer time on those I have been asked to pray for or those I know need me to pray for them.  NOT ONE THING wrong with that.  HERE is the problem--an essential element of approaching the throne is confession.  My prayers for others has become a smoke screen to deflect from my need to confess and get right by pointing my finger toward others.  Before I throw a prayer toward the throne, I need to be under the cover of grace.  Grace is granted with first confession.  I need to deal with my stuff which throws up that smoke screen between God and me.  I need to get straight with God Almighty and THEN pray for those He has placed on my heart.  I need a strong wind (Holy Spirit) to blow away the screen I have placed with good intentions.  Good intentions can come between God and me in the blink of an eye.  God wants me to be brutally honest with Him---even when the hot seat is blazing hot with shame.

Heavy stuff or elementary?

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other

 so that you may be healed.

 The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective

James 5:16

YES-HERE I AM!

Second in the two part series-

As I was thinking over the things God sometimes requires of us, I went a step beyond God using our children in His service.  I began thinking of the things that God may be asking me/you to do--give up--sacrifice.  Perhaps it is something as simple as giving of our time in service---perhaps He is drawing you to a mission field--locally or internationally--perhaps it is as simple as loving those that are not so lovable.  I believe with all my heart- as we grow In Him---He is going to require us to get out of our comfort zones.  I do not know about you--but I do NOT like to leave my zone of comfort!

Did God allow my marriage to end to use me in Fort Worth?  I do not have the answers--but while thinking it over, I came to the conclusion His desire was not for my marriage to end--that is contrary to His Word.  He DID take the brokenness resulting from this life event and use it to Woo me and pull me closer into His embrace.  He took what man had made a mess of and used it to further His cause.  He has made me a living example of His faithfulness and love.  He has given me many opportunities to point to my source of strength during the pain and devastation of the unthinkable.  He has given me the privilege of leaving my comfort zone and living in a God zone.

Moving to Fort Worth seemed to be filled with risks and WAY out of my comfort zone.  There have been days when I experienced new levels of alone--and yet He has reminded me of His presence--His love--His plan.  As I walked down this path where He had led me---I have become supremely aware of Who He Is?  Slowly He is pulling others back into my life--but His intent and purpose though not always clear---are all for His good purpose--even in the midst of risk and uncertainty.

There is a story in His Word of a father who was required to take his son to be sacrificed on the altar. His beloved son--his most precious relationship- A love offering to The Father.  Unthinkable that He would ask this--and yet--in a step of faith and obedience Abraham was prepared to do just that---offer Issac as a sacrifice--give him back to God.  Genesis 22 contains this story of Abraham and God's redemption of His request.  When God called out to Abraham, Abraham's answer was "Yes, here I am."  

When God calls to us--telling us of the changes in our lives, are we willing to answer, "Yes, here I am."?  God allows heartbreaking losses in our life which are devastating.  His intent is not to break us--but to grow us when these life events happen.  Our response --either we cling to Him--allow Him to use us and grow us--and be used for His good purpose---OR we drown in the sorrow and heartbreak and cling to the familiarity of the pain---unwilling to be healed.  Yes--losses are painful--they will leave a scar--but we have the opportunity to turn to the source of the healing balm--and then allow Him to use us--scars and all.

"Some time later God tested Abraham; he called to him, “Abraham!” And Abraham answered, “Yes, here I am!”

2 “Take your son,” God said, “your only son, Isaac, whom you love so much, and go to the land of Moriah. There on a mountain that I will show you, offer him as a sacrifice to me.”"

Genesis 22:1-2

I CONFESS---I AM SELFISH!

THE FIRST IN A TWO PART SERIES

I just love how God speaks to me and continually gives me a burning need to write down what He is revealing to me.  This topic all started when my sweet young friend announced she wanted to move to Africa to serve God.  My immediate reaction --"Your Momma is going to throw a fit!"  I understand--we Momma's do not want our chicks half a world away.  When Camille was in Erie--which was doable and affordable--but a ROYAL pain, it was SO difficult.  We could still talk daily---sometimes more than once--but there is a need to see their face.  As I laughingly used to say, "I need to put my eyeballs on her!"

When my sweet friend, Helen's son and family went to Africa to serve as medical missionaries--she was NOT a happy camper!  It is a LONG way to Africa!  They did a great work while there--but she missed the day to day involvement in their lives.  Missed watching her grands growing during that time.  Thankfully there are computers and facetime--but it is not the same.  It is quite different to observe their lives---in person.  I reminded her, "Who first took Mark to Africa and planted that seed?"  THAT was not what she wanted to hear.  We would laugh when she would tell me the purpose of their trips was NOT to put the desire in them to move there.  That was not HER purpose--but PLAINLY it WAS God's purpose.

A young friend from Ruston has SUCH a beautiful heart!  She is her mother's only daughter and they are so close.  She has moved to the other side of the world to live the life she has been called to.  She has lived her life with purpose to meet the requirements to make this move.  I know her mother must ache for her at times--and it will be at least a year before she can put her eyeball on her.  Surely she at times wonders "Why?" when considering it all?

Camille and I talked this over yesterday.  Would I be blessed to know that my children had made this choice and were living the faith--perhaps half way around the world?  It scares me to even think about it---I love having the closeness of my family-emotionally and physically.  I read between the lines as Camille gave her viewpoint--this has always been a possibility in their lives--I had forgotten.  Is God going to take me a step further in the trust journey and lead them on a servant's mission?  He has not opened that door for them at this time--but it brings me to a point of rethinking my relationship with Him.  I am selfish--I WANT THEM HERE!

I am always thinking there are mission fields HERE!  So many needs--so many lost--why not use us here?  I have a very real and in my face mission field here in "The Hood".  It did not take long to discover it.  Surely God wants to use us here!

Once again--I go to the bottom line---It is NOT about me---IT IS about the path He desires for us to walk.  ALL for HIS GOOD PURPOSE---even when we fight it every step of the way---cry out in selfish indignation---HE WILL BE GLORIFIED!  I am praying for a heart of submission---and eyes upon Him - asking Him to lead me down the path---walk by my side.  Give me a heart of obedience and a desire to help the lost and the willingness to put my selfish desires aside.

"Much is required from the person to whom much is given; much more is required from the person to whom much more is given."
Luke 12:48