Fort Worth is a lovely city, but after four years, Fort Worth has not become home. At times, I feel as if this is all a dream and I do not really live here. The upside of living in Fort Worth is being involved in the daily lives of my four grands who are here. My heart knows this is a wonderful opportunity to watch them growing up and being involved in their lives. Not having this physical nearness with my two oldest grands, I know what I sadly missed with them being so far way.
The fact remains I miss Ruston greatly and especially miss my Ruston friends. There is nothing that compares to small town life. Though it can be annoying at times, you are never anonymous in a small town. Careful what you do and for sure what you might say---it will be the local news before you can get your engine cranked. For goodness sake do not turn on the bathroom light too many times in one night, your neighbor will inquire if your stomach is upset the next day. Yes, frustrating, but also comforting to know someone cares where you are and what you are doing.
It would seem I now live in Limbo Land. My heart still claims Ruston as home, but my body is planted in Fort Worth. Can I go home? Is Ruston still home?
God allowed the Israelites to roam around in the Wilderness for 40 years--NO HOME-for 40 years! When they decided to make an idol---He decided they needed to learn WHO He was. God knew they needed to understand He would not allow any idols in their lives. So they wondered around-- for FORTY YEARS! And THEN, they arrived at "The Promised Land". HOME AT LAST! The home He had promised! My question is--did it feel like home to those who had no memory of life before Egypt. The forty years was long enough to loose the senior generation who had known a home before Egypt. Those who God allowed to enter The Promised Land had never known it as their home. Perhaps they had learned with forty years of wandering--home is when we are aware of God's presence. A place does not make a home---those surrounding us make a home.
It has occurred to me that God will not allow any idols in my life. When something begins to become more important than Him, He will strip it away. He is reminding me of my dependence upon Him---He is reminding me there is nothing more important than Him---He is reminding me where my true home is---by His side in The Promised Land!
So I am headed to Ruston for a nice long visit. Can I go home? Not this side of Glory will I be home--but instead still wandering in The Wilderness until He points me to The Promised Land.
"If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us--a land which flows with milk and honey.