OUT OF TOUCH

 After a long 10 days of no internet, thanks to AT&T, I am once again "hooked up" to the WWW.  You will be glad to know, I will once again get back on my schedule of proof reading these posts before they are published for you.  It has been an interesting period of time, and though not completely unhooked, since we have 5G here in Fort Worth, I was limited--no television and no computer.  It felt like I had been thrown back into my past and that was not necessarily a bad thing.  Though I try to limit my time in the black hole of the WWW, it still can feel like I have fallen into the rabbit hole with no end when I start surfing.  It can be a HUGE waste of time!

As I was thinking about --touch---I pondered on what Hero's walks look like these days (Welcome to my world of loose association)  .  We are able to have a normal walk early in the AM--sometime around 6, because the sun has not been heating up the roads and sidewalks.  For the rest of the day, I have to carry him between shady stretches.  The surfaces are so hot they will burn his paws if I am not careful.  The final walk of the day is done in the shady grassy areas at the park about a block away. 

  

AND my final round of loose association - my grandchildren used to play a game they called "Hot Lava".  I believe it came from a television or video show they watched.  Basically they set the room up with things they can jump on to stay off the floor.  You see the floor is hot lava---if you fall into the hot lava--you are out of the game.  Last man - perched - out of the hot lava wins.  They spent many an hour, when they were smaller, playing this loud and rambunctious game.

This brought me to pondering how all of us can sometimes be in hot water---treading through the minefield -if you will.  We launch off into an area we know is dangerous---could possibly even be fatal--thinking we can avoid the pitfalls of the danger around us.  Before you know it we have lost our balance and we are falling and in grave peril of losing ourselves in the pit.  Once we begin to slip--without intervention we are headed for trouble.  I am so thankful for a God who is watching out for us---willing to rescue us---if we only give Him our hand.  He is our Savior in more ways than the "Eternal Way".  Our strong fortress, our defender, our rock--the God of the Angel Armies will come to our aid---call upon Him.

"God of the Angel Armies,

who is like You,

powerful and faithful from ever angle?"

Psalm 89:8

(The Message)

NOT ME ~ I'M NOT AFRAID!

 I am an expert at covering up my fears.  From an early age (my childhood was filled with brothers and male cousins), I learned you never show fear.  If there is even a hint that something might frighten you, it can lead to endless hours of torment for the amusement of others.  Then there was Momma and my Grandmother James and my Girl Scout Leader and ... all those strong women who did not tolerate you squealing, crying, or pretty much any form of appearing fearful.  The message was clear and concise ~ fear is a form of weakness.

I learned to not be afraid of snakes---hoes, shovels, and rifles could take care of that, but leave those good snakes alone.   My Girl Scout leader would verbally assault you if you squealed over a granddaddy long legs---I learned to pick them up and toss them aside.  NEVER run from the pack of wild dogs, who once claimed our neighborhood as home, that encouraged them to chase you.  Drag those 1000 + pound steers for a daily haltered walk, keep your eye out for the ram who loved to sneak up on you and give you a good head butt, and try to stay out of eyesight of Mama James's rooster.  Keep a watchful eye out for any signs of potential danger, but keep fearless plastered on your face.

I might be afraid, but to survive you put on a straight face, learned how to warn off those who might come after me with a deep strong yell, and, above all, never allow fear to show on my face.  It became second nature to appear stoic and calm in the midst of the worst storms.  There was nothing my daddy liked more than riding around in the midst of a hurricane or storm so fierce you could not see a foot in front of the car.  If I showed fear, the next storm would find me at home and not riding in the car with daddy.  We girls always wanted to be in the protection of our daddy's.

Those early lessons were well learned.  As an adult, I learned to stifle any fear with that same stoic expression of calm.  Underneath my insides might be shaking, the primal scream might be stuck in my throat, and my instinct to run would be stifled by the years of training to keep your feet planted.  

Suppressed emotions always find a way  out~ sooner or later they will bubble to the surface in some shape or form.  When my children had scares (as they all do), I always kept it together until the crisis had passed and then I shook and became teary.  A hard aggravating day at work would be taken out on someone close who did some small infraction of no consequence.  I would find myself unglued and foaming at the mouth over nothing.  My anger from the day boiled over on the innocent without me realizing where my wrath originated.  To this day, I have a high startle reaction when surprised--years of ducking the next scare tactic from the boys.

Lately I have been thinking about the threat of danger I feel times..  Past experience has me gun shy and wary . The threat of danger sets off warning signals when someone feels like a potential threat.  So ~ I put on my mask of having it together, being strong, and never fearful.  I am NOT afraid - I am not fearful - I have it under control - I can do this - my daily pep talk on  conquering the fears which sometimes accompany being alone.  

What is the common thread through out all of this.  ME  ~ I am under the illusion I am in control.  I forget my source of strength, my protector, my provider, the lover of my soul.  I forget in the worst of danger ~ I am never alone.  He is my shield and defender in the most dangerous of life's storms.  He does not want me to live in the spirit of fear, but in the surety of His faithful presence.  Allow Him to be the driver as I travel through the blinding fury of the greatest of storms.  Give up control and trust Him to lead.

"Fear not,

For I am with you;

Be not dismayed,

For I am your God,

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

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