OUT OF THE RUT

My mother's mother died in childbirth when Momma was two years old.  Her daddy did not marry again until she was around nine.  She missed those extremely important early years of mothering.  The gap of those early lessons on how to mother spilled over into her own years of mothering.  She did the best she could under extremely difficult circumstances -- but nurturing was not her strong point.  

She left us thirteen years ago on Mother's Day.  Not a day goes by that I do not miss her.  How I would love to talk to her!  Her mothering technique was more on the side of "Get over it and get on with it!"  No time for any of us to roll in the pit of self pity---just move on!  I love to tell Momma stories and often I get these looks of unbelief.  She was a trip!

I did the best I could raising my children.  That often was not very good!  I was very consumed with keeping a perfect house, keeping nutritious meals on the table, keeping perfect looking children and crossing all the t's and dotting the i's.  Somehow I missed the importance of playing with my children.  We played, but not enough.  I let the daylies of work, home, school, and on and on consume my time and thoughts.  I ran from early pre-dawn hours until I fell in the bed late at night---and many important things in the relationships around me were neglected.  I think I did better than the generation before me, but there was plenty of room for improvement.

Happily I tell you the current generation of mothers in my family are doing a wonderful--marvelous job.  They are loving their children well.  God is being honored and taught by their mothers, and they spend quality time with my grandchildren.  God has slowly redeemed over generations the art of mothering in our family.  What a blessing to know the beautiful picture of how mothering should look by watching my daughter and daughter in law and what a gift His redemption is!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO THE TWO MOST

WONDERFUL MOTHERS I KNOW!

"Her children respect and bless her;

her husband joins in with words of praise.

'Many women have done wonderful things,

but you have outclassed them all!' "

Proverbs 31

NEWS FLASH

Today as I pondered over Acts I had a revelation.  Matthias was chosen to take the place of Judas after the group of Believers had prayed.  He was the man with the winning lot---not by chance--but by God.  There is NO randomness in life and there are no coincidences---only God incidences.  God has gone to great lengths to show me that in my life and through many other Believers He has placed in my path.   

It was in God's plan that Matthias be chosen as the replacement disciple.  Do NOT forget God also had a plan for Barsabbas.  We KNOW Barsabbas was a Believer and therefore God had a plan for him. God has a plan for even the Unbelievers--check out Pharaoh.   Just because he was not chosen as one of the twelve does not mean God did not use him for His good purpose.  He was a member of the original body of Believers.  There at the beginning -helping to spread the word which has continued to spread until today.  He was there before the Word was written---it all had to be spread person to person and he helped spread the message.  Without one single doubt, God used him and used him well.

When I first read this passage, I felt sorry for Barsabbas--not being chosen.  I  was gently reminded---it is God's plan that he was not chosen---He still used him for his good glory---because of who I know God to be--this was all part of the plan.  God does not make mistakes and all works for good for those that are called according to HIS purpose.

I was not chosen to live out my life in a marriage---I am in a large company of women who were chosen to live alone.  God has a good purpose and can use each of us well in this state of singleness.  The bottom line is---I was chosen--chosen to be alone---just as Barsabbas was chosen to not be in the twelve.  It is a step of backing up and choosing to view life through a different lens.  This view shows I was chosen to be alone---not I was not chosen to remain in a marriage. God's perfect plan for each of us---ALL for HIS GOOD PURPOSE.

"Judas must now be replaced.  The replacement must come from the company of men who stayed together with us from the time Jesus was baptized by John up to the day of his ascension."  vs 21-22

" ' You, O God, know every one of us inside and out.  Make plain which of these two men you choose to take the place in this ministry and leadership that Judas threw away in order to go his own way.' They then drew straws.  Matthias won and was counted in with the eleven apostles." vs 24-26

Acts 1

UNDER THE BOTTLE BRUSH

There are days you can find me "Under the Bottle Brush" quaking in fear.

It occurred to me I was living in the shadow of fear when discussing my investments.  Satan takes our past--and the fears we have learned from our past and uses them against us.  My daddy died when I was 14--my mother struggled to support our family of four and did not remarry until we were all grown.   I was a young single mother for a few years--it was a huge struggle to go back to school and obtain that degree with no financial support.  I literally lived on almost nothing.  I remember wondering how I was going to buy needed shoes for my son.  All this profoundly affected me for life.

Fast forward an entire lifetime.  I am retired, I am alone and this is it--do not see any rich relatives out there or any big book deals headed my way.  And the whispering starts in my ear.  What else is God going to take away to teach me?  Look what you have lost already---look what happened to Job---your future could be bleak.  I am living under the cloud of fear instead of the promise of faith.  

As I mulled all this over, Jonah popped to the surface.  God had taken Jonah for quite the spin around the block and Jonah let God have it.  He yelled at the Almighty - All Powerful God--"I knew this was going to happen!"  Ranting and raving like a madman---Jonah let God know he did not like how things had turned out.  It was NOT according to Jonah's plan.  God patiently listened and then taught Jonah a valuable lesson.  The Lord provides and the Lord takes away---and then reminds Jonah---you did NOTHING ---I provided it--so I can take it away.

It is a daily struggle to turn from my fears---and turn to my faith.  All may be taken away---but nothing is gained from sitting under the bottle brush quaking in fear--except a victory for Satan.  Who am I to question--and where is the trust I haughtily proclaim?  If it all disappears today--and I am left on the street with not even one cent to my name---IS HE NOT THE SAME GOD WHO HAS FAITHFULLY WALKED BY MY SIDE THE ENTIRE PATH?  Where is my faith--even if God sends a worm---He is the ALL WISE God--filled with love and grace.

"God arranged for a broad-leafed tree to spring up.  It grew over Jonah to cool him off and get him out of his angry sulk.  Jonah was pleased and enjoyed the shade.  Life was looking up.  But then God sent a worm."

Jonah 4:6-7

LIFE LINES

As I visited with a bouquet of beautiful friends and family while in R---my Louisiana home---God reminded me once again of His gracious provision and love for me.  I drove away from Louisiana with my heart filled and over-flowing with the sweet aroma of deep friendships built over a life-time.

During my darkest hours--when I cried out to God-"I cannot do this!"---my God community grabbed me.  When there were no words and I could only utter, "Oh, God!", they filled the gap and prayed for me.  Bombarding heaven with prayer after prayer, they became my life line to the Great God of the Universe.  Holding on and gently pulling me until I saw a glimpse of the light as I slowly emerged from my pit of despair, the community God began forming in my life years ago beseeched God for me and kept my name before His throne.   

Knowing decades before the path of grief I would tread, God began to form a Believer Fellowship which would become my cocoon during the dark winter of hopelessness.  They reached out---embraced me---held on to me---and loved me well with nothing expected in return.  When I could not love myself --they wrapped me in the warmth of their love and patiently held on.  

God intends us to be in fellowship for this very reason.  Each and everyone of us will struggle at some point in our lives.  Most will come to a time when they are desperate ---our community becomes the lifeline He began weaving long before.  Look around yourself---identify the strands of the rope of hope--embrace those golden threads.  Allow Him to weave a strong cord of fellowship around you---
ALL for God's Good Purpose.

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude."

I Peter 3:8

HELP---I NEED HELP!

Determined should be my middle name---and perhaps Stubborn my nickname.  I cannot think of many things I will not try to tackle--by myself.

Move the furniture across the room and then back again when I discover I do not like the change---NO PROBLEM---Push-Pull-Shove-Grunt-Groan---moving it an inch at a time.  Turn the mattress on the bed---foot end back to the head--all the way over---it's like picking up a family of four and relocating them.  It needs turning though.

Paint the entire house---paint the entire apartment--re-treat the deck and wood fence.  Put not one but four coats on the apartment---three coats on the house---it took almost a month to paint the house---WHY?  I did it all alone.

Move three times in two years---down-sizing each and every time.  Pack all the boxes---move all the boxes--un-pack all the boxes.  Give away-throw away all that will not fit.  Why no--I don't need help--It's a piece of cake.

Just today, I crawled under the car to make a temporary repair with PINK twine!  Ask for help--perhaps there was a better solution---NAH!

What causes us to not ask for help?  Why are we so reluctant to accept the offers of others to give us a hand?  STUBBORN----DETERMINED---NO SINFUL!

My pride keeps me from asking for help---or even accepting help when it is offered.  The need to be in control and on the throne of self reliance creates the hesitation.  I PAY---oh DO I pay---for my sin--sore back--strained muscles--bruises-bumps---it costs me dearly.  And then there are those who would have been blessed by helping---my pride refused them a blessing!  

I need to back up---examine my motives---and take a lesson in grace.  Without a doubt--my largest sin---failure to give up control and give in to accepting my limitations---Time to work on that!

"And do not neglect doing good and sharing; for with such sacrifices God is pleased."

Hebrews 13:16

MEAN GIRLS

I thought I was old enough to be beyond the realm of "Mean Girls".  Sadly they still exist--even being old enough to know better!  You women KNOW what I am talking about!  Those girls subject to nose bleed from their noses being held at high altitudes.  Those girls in need of eye correction due to their short sightedness.  Those girls suffering from claustrophobia brought on by the crush of a VERY small group of friends.  Those girls with tongues as sharp as razors able to cut to shreds any supposed threat.  

OH, my own wise words failed to make the path around the track during my recent encounter with the MG's.  Wise words---"When someone is mean or critical, their words come from their own insecurities."  While in the midst of an attack ---I was doing all I could to just keep my head low.  Analyzing where the mean attack came from finally rose to the surface sometime later.  At the moment, I sat in amazed silence in a surreal nightmare world I thought I had escaped long ago.

TOP the MG attack with their sidekick, Mean Guy.  He was the most vicious of the trio.  By  the end of the evening, he had taken my fragile ego and stomped on it  over and over.  As I thought about it later, I wondered if it was intentional--or merely a warning for those not in the parameters of "Fitting In".  OH--and lest I forget--it was all done in the "Name of Jesus".  TRULY it was a surreal experience!  I LIVED IN A BUBBLE for a LONG time!  I began to see the Real World almost six years ago and it amazes me each and every time my vision is broadened by glimpses of The Fallen World around me.

There is a story of "Mean Girls" in The Book.  Genesis tells us about the original "Mean Girl" Hagar.  She gave Sarah fits!  Looking down her nose at poor barren Sarah--flaunting her reproductive prowess.  The KEY to this story---Sarah allowed the Mean Girl Hagar to gain the  power and the edge.  It was at Sarah's request that Hagar began pro-creating with Abraham.  Sarah gave Hagar the power---instead of patiently waiting for God's fulfillment of His promise--Sarah took things in her own hands.  Hagar's meanness--all explainable--she was a slave--no status--low self esteem--striking out at the one who had it all.  Sarah suffered the agony of living with the "Mean Girl" because of her own impatience and lack of faith.

SO moral of my story---Do not play with the mean girls. Turn and walk away from them.   Love them from a distance--be kind--be courteous--remember they are children of The Most High.  BUT the only power they have is the power I give them.  Be patient and full of faith---knowing The Most High God--has a plan. 

"One day Sarah saw the son that Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham, poking fun at her son Isaac.  She told Abraham, 'Get rid of this slave woman and her son.  No child of this slave is going to share inheritance with my son, Isaac!' "

Genesis 21: 9-10 

SOUL SEARCHING

I have not fallen off the edge of the earth--or even a cliff---

I am spending some time reflecting and soul searching--

Looking for His Good Purpose for me.