EXPECTATIONS PART TWO

 Many times, after I have written a blog, I am not finished processing the subject.  Truthfully, in many cases, I will never be finished processing.  There is not always a set answer written in granite on most subjects.  Depending upon the circumstance, there is always the chance of change---most of the time a little change--others--a huge flip flop.  The best thing I can say about that is I am not so old that I am not open to changing my mind.

Recently we discussed the expectations we have of others and how that can cloud our opinions.  When we place these expectations without clearly stating them to the one we have heaped them upon, we are asking for disappointment.  NOW--this and the Olympics have led me to mull over the expectations we place upon ourselves.  I watched the team gymnastics competition yesterday and came away pondering the huge expectations these young people place upon themselves.  I witnessed, tears, anger, and frustration when something did not go as planned.  A missed tumble, a step out of bounds, a momentary loss of balance--and years of practice and dedicating one's life to the perfection of the sport was dashed.  My question became---when these athletes return home--how will they handle not living up to the expectations they have placed upon themselves?  Will they walk away with resolve to "get it right the next time" or will they hang their head and walk away with dashed hopes and defeat?  Most of these athletes have learned how to brush off that defeat and aim for the next competition.  They know they are human and things happen--unintended---split second mishaps can cause the collapse of going for the gold to tucking your tail and going home to lick your wounds.  There is an entire discipline in psychology dedicated to the psychology of being an athlete. It teaches the mindset of brushing yourself off and heading to the next goal.  I admire and respect every athlete at these games--but the bitter truth is--there is only one gold medal and only one competitor wears it.  

The same can be said for us and the expectations we place upon ourselves as we live this life.  I found this~

and recognized how much truth there is in it.  From our very early days, our parents place expectations upon us.  We learn at their knees others have expectations of us.  We either are able to meet those expectations and hopefully receive a pat on the back or fail to live up to those expectations of others and walk away dejected to the point of no longer trying.

How do you handle it?  Life is filled with competition--intended and non-intended.  We begin as children on the playground to compete with one another and society places a high value on the "winners" in any and all struggles.  Be it racing on the playground, competing for high grades, getting in the best universities,  being hired by the big guns in the corporate world, we spend our lives competing at some level.  Where you live, how well your children do, what car you drive, and on and on---we have all come up with the level of achievement we would like to attain and the bare minimum of achievement we can get by with and still hold our head up.  I for one am my on worst enemy when it comes to personal expectations.  I vacillate between refusing to compete because I do not like the stress and silently competing knowing I will be bested.  

What happened to the adage of being satisfied with doing your best?  ALL of the athletes at the Olympics would surely love to take home the gold,  BUT they have to deal with the reality there is only one gold---and they did not win it and in fact--they did not make the podium.  Who is able then to KNOW they did their very best and be satisfied with the knowledge they made the Olympic team---CERTAINLY an extremely rare feat in the HUGE world we live in.  Who can walk away with their head high knowing they did their very best and that realistic expectations have been met?  

My last thought---others have expectations of us----we have expectations of ourselves---but God---He has only two expectations--but they are big ones.  That we love the Lord our God with ALL our 'hearts and minds and we love our neighbor as OURSELF.  As for me--and this point in my life---I am doing my very best to meet His expectations and finding great contentment in the sure knowledge--that is my very best.

"And you shall love the Lord your God 

with all your heart 

and with all your soul

and with all your mind

and with all your strength.

The second is this:

'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Mark 12:30-31

EXPECTATIONS

My current reading time is being alternated between two books.  As always, I am spending more time on one than the other.  Both are easy reading and my normal time to read is after the day is done.  My sleeping is aided by calm - peaceful books.  This one is not really serene reading---but has caused me to pause and think.

Two of the main characters in the book are a mother and her teenage daughter.  As with most early teens, they can be filled with misplaced anger.  I have alternated between being perturbed with the mother over her selfish ways (at times) and empathy for her having lived through those early teen years with a daughter (A LONG TIME AGO).  At that point in my life, I developed a thick skin and tolerance for a bruised ego.  My own daughter will now tell you she realizes she was difficult.  AHHH--but today--she is a jewel.  (I digress)

As I read the story line it occurred to me many of our problems are created by our unrealistic expectations of others.  We neatly place them in one category (such as mother) without room for the many other hats they may wear nor the complex individuals we all are.  When we focus on the one part of an individual without considering all that encompasses who they are---we are asking for turmoil in our relationship.  

The same principle plays into any relationship we have.  If we look at a friend and only wonder why they are missing in action in our life, we are using tunnel vision and not considering all the other relationships in their lives.  I have come to realize we all can be at least a little selfish when placing unasked for expectations on others.  Our plan for another---could be the last thing they are considering---in the midst of their personal troubles and turmoil.  AND---what kind of friend/relation are we when we only look to the end of our nose?  THIS has caused me to stop---pause---and think.  Hopefully, the next time I am perturbed at anyone--I will stop and consider---what else is happening in their life.  

So it is with our relationship with God.  We have expectations of Him and when He is not responding to us in the manner we deem best--we are disappointed--perhaps angry.  We do not stop to consider the complexity of our God.  He is all knowing---all seeing---timeless- and His plans are always the best plan.  BUT because we possess feet of clay--we have unrealistic and misguided expectations based upon our needs.  We are looking once again at the king/queen of our universe and not at the broad picture.  Food for thought--as I begin a new day--

"Many plans are in a person's heart;

But the advice of the Lord will stand."

Proverbs 19:21

EXPECTATIONS

 I keep mulling over the statement by my therapist friend~

"Expectations are premediated disappointments!"

And then I circled back to the post "Overwhelmingly Overwhelmed" with these comments~

1.  Expectations I place upon myself.

2.  My perception of the others' expectations

When a word or phrase begins repeating itself in my head, I pay attention.  There is always a message in there.

As I thought this over, I went all the way back to my early years while still at home with Momma.  There were expectations---sometimes unstated---but there was always the feeling of something was expected from me.  I fell short of those expectations and thus began my journey down the road of proving myself worthy of respect.  How many things in life did I do or accomplish because of the expectations I placed on myself in an effort to feel worthy of love?  From those early days literally until today---I desire to be loved and held in a place of esteem.  NOW---that is not all bad---it has served me well to strive to serve others, work hard, and always expect my best.  BUT what caused me to really pause was my friend's remark about "premediated disappointments".  I am not certain I totally agree with her remark, but I know she would be open to hearing my thoughts.  

When expectations cause us to be the best we can be--within reason--that should be a good thing.  One of the things I have always strived for is to be able to put my head on the pillow every night knowing I did my best.  Sure, at times I fell short, but I went down swinging--really trying.  We get into trouble when our expectation are unrealistic.

If I have an expectation of being Miss America--that is not only unrealistic--the thought of that possibility sailed LONG ago (I am NO beauty queen but pleasant looks are good too).   If I have an expectation of running another marathon--my body will protest and go on strike.  If I have an expectation of living to 100, my gene pool would disagree.  On and on---expectations are fool hearty when they do not line up with reality. NOW, by the same token, I can have an expectation of spending time with the Lord today; getting the house clean today; visiting with my family today; and eating healthy and know it can be accomplished with good planning and wise use of my time.  So, NO, I do not think expectations are all bad and in fact I think they might help us use our time wisely.

Finally and most important, what does God expect from us?  I will leave you with this verse from His Word that I claim as one of my life verses~

"He has told you, O man, what is good;

and what does the Lord require (expect) of you but

to do  justice,

and to love kindness,

and to walk humbly with your God?"

Micah 6:8

WORD NUMBER TWO IS

I am delighted with each and every word that has been sent  for blog inspiration,  True confession ~ a few have me digging deep.  No problem---I LOVE a good dig!  It is NEVER too late---if you have not read Monday's post HERE, I have asked you to send me one word and one word only to inspire a blog post.   

Today's word ~

was sent by a life long friend.  She knew me back when my knees were constantly skinned and I was a serious tomboy.  This friend is the one who is  always behind getting our high school class together for reunions.  My first thought when she texted me that her word was expectations is that is how I feel over our 55th  (YES--I am older than dirt) high school reunion this fall.  We may have to begin meeting annually since we are losing classmates more and more rapidly.  One of our last get togethers we made this picture of the James Avenue classmates

Sadly two of these dear friends are now gone.  So I am looking forward with great expectation to our fall reunion.  How we laugh as we reminisce about the "Good Old Days".  It truly amazes me the details some of the classmates can remember.  I am certain those memories are stored in my memory bank somewhere, but I cannot seem to access them.  The joy of getting old!

What is the process of creating these blogs?  Normally I have an instant impression or thought off of which I play.  I let that thought marinate and roll around in the gray matter before sitting down to write.  The first step when I beginning writing is looking up the definition of the word.  Today when I looked up expectation, I found this ~

a strong belief or feeling that something will happen

or be the case in the future

Why I believe that is totally based upon HOPE.   Guess what the definition of hope is ~

a feeling of expectation and desire 

for a certain thing to happen

It would seem looking at these definitions hope precedes expectations or does it?  They are so closely intertwined you cannot have one without the other.  It is the classic chicken or egg which came first question.  

What would life be without hope?  How many times have I heard the expression ~ "He gave up all hope."  It is meant to indicate someone is living in utter despair of a better day.  This very thing was said about my daddy when he died in a short period of time from lung cancer.  Yes, the cancer killed him, but the loss of hope hastened the process.

Could we continue to put one foot in front of another if we had no hope--no expectations for the future?  That is a daunting question.  I think of the Holocaust survivors who survived against all odds.  There is something deep within us which clings to the hope and expectation of better days--bright tomorrows--future joy.  Why else would we continue forward when we are in the deepest of pits?  

God placed that spark of expectation in us with the promise of eternal life by believing in what Jesus did  to seal that promise.  We know as we know  there will be a better day.  We live in expectation of seeing Jesus one day.  "Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."

Expectations built on hope.  What a glorious gift.

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment.

For we know how dearly God loves us,

because He has given us the Holy Spirit 

to fill our hearts with His love."

Romans 5:5

Daily Reminder to sign up as a blog follower on the right side of the page if you have not already done so.  It makes my life easier!

POPCORN RULES

PSA- PLEASE SIGN UP TO BE A SUBSCRIBER ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BLOG.  THERE IS A DAILY PRIZE FOR ALL SUBSCRIBERS!  

ALSO-WANT TO COMMENT STRAIGHT TO THE HORSE?  THERE IS A DIRECT LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE ON THE RIGHT SIDE.

ON TO THE BLOG~

 I am always learning new things everyday and the grands are excellent teachers (in more ways than one) .  Having just spent a week with 4 of those little darlings.  I came away with a new knowledge of something I never knew existed.  There are rules for eating popcorn.  WHAT??

While visiting we went to the movies one day and saw a seat gripper about a horse named Spirit.  (Sorry I can not remember the name of the movie)  The two littles went with me to see this thriller while the two bigs went with their mom to see "Twelve Mighty Orphans".  (Short review-12 orphans during the depression who become a champion football team-THEY LOVED IT!)  

SO--mistake #1--I bought a large vat of popcorn to share between the three of us.  I KNEW BETTER!  NOW in my defense, I do not ask anyone to share a drink--though it would be much cheaper to get a large water and share it ~ I do not trust the back washers! We had not gotten into the theater good before the reminder of the popcorn rules began.  This was immediately after riding the power recliner seats up and down half a dozen times looking for that sweet spot for perfect movie viewing while eating popcorn. 

I can give you the gist of the Popcorn rules with the two first ones announced before we were out of the blocks good ~

#1- DO NOT EAT THE POPCORN BEFORE THE MOVIE BEGINS- SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE!  WHAT???  I have popcorn before me--the previews are showing and I like my popcorn warm.  We have to wait though until the movie we are here to see begins to commence with our gourmet popcorn feast.  This seems like a really bad rule to me---I am well known for finishing my popcorn during the previews, then I am not distracted during the movie trying to be sure I get my fair share.   The rule maker does not correct Lulu--instead he very loudly corrects his sister so that I will get the message.  S I G H !!  I come to the movie for the popcorn!

#2 - DO NOT LICK YOUR FINGERS AFTER EATING A HANDFUL OF POPCORN AND PUT YOUR HAND BACK IN THE BUCKET!  Okay--maybe there is good reason for this one.  I was reminded lately of my loose rules about swapping germs when I offered a friend a taste of my drink and she informed me ~ "I NEVER EVER DRINK AFTER ANYONE!" Perhaps this is a good rule in theory ~ but how would I have ever discovered how many new foods and drinks I liked without that shared taste.  Of course, I also would have not known how much I disliked some without that taste.  I am a rather loose woman when it comes to sharing germs.  Today's Pandemic World has put a sharp stop to my sharing days.

The Rule Maker ended up taking the popcorn--which he covers with a napkin to discourage begging.  He is sitting two seats away and I cannot reach over the middle chair to sneak bites of popcorn before the official start of popcorn eating time.  These rule makers can drive me up the wall!  AND since when do we need rules for eating popcorn!

This reminds me of the recent blogs on unfulfilled expectations.  We all have rules we impose upon ourselves as well as those around us.  When someone fails to follow the rules we live by, they are not fulfilling our expectations.  You can see an excellent example of this when you cross cultural lines.  We Southerners are polite to a fault and expect the rest of the world to act accordingly.  We have a LONG list of rules (expectations) for living in polite society.  Much of the world does not understand our manners fixation. 

 I had a sweet friend send me a quote last week when I posted about expectations ~

"Expectations are planned resentments."

We expect everyone to follow the rules we impose upon ourselves and resent those who fail to meet our expectations.

Rules - Rules - Rules  The world is filled with official and unofficial rules.  Who could even begin to keep up with all the rules?    We either have a rule follower personality or fall into the rule breaker category-     G A S P!   I looked up the definition of rules and guess what ?  the word CONTROL appeared.  There you go Friends.  We all want control and we are continually challenged to stay in control.   There is only One who truly is always in control.  We can try and try to stay in control, but it is a moving target.  A target with new rules everyday and the abolishment of old rules as well.  Why who can keep up with the rules anymore--who can stay in control?  NOT ME!  I did not even realize there was a set of rules for eating popcorn.   If I ever thought I was in control, my grands are a stark reminder of how out of control I am.

NOW watch this--I am going to pull us back to the blog on "The Abundant Life".  God KNOWS we cannot follow all the rules---God knows we are all dismal failures when we seek control---God wants us to live an abundant life of freedom---ONLY available through Jesus.  AMEN  ~  AMEN!

"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters.

But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.

Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

THE ABUNDANT LIFE

THIS IS YOUR DAILY ANNOUNCEMENT--if you have not already signed up to be a blog subscriber, please do so.  It helps simplify my life--and simple people need simple lives!

Our small group has been studying this study of Galatians

We are about two thirds through the book, but I already see the profound point God is teaching me in this study ~

"God not only wants to redeem us from eternal death, but he wants to redeem us from a life that is not experiencing freedom.  He wants us to have our  life from Him, not from the things around us such as comparing ourselves to others, the expectations we have placed on ourselves and others, and the sufferings of life."

Hit me between the eyes with a two by four!  GUILTY!  

We have had a good discussion about this one short paragraphs during two sessions already.  Who among us is not guilty of comparison?  We KNOW we are fearfully and wonderfully made--in the very image of God.  Yet we insist upon comparison.  This is like comparing apples to oranges.  Yes, they are both fruits, yes, they are both round, but I assure you when you want to eat an apple, you do not want an orange.  They are similar, but also so different.

As for the expectations we place on ourselves and others--look first to your own children and tell me you have never placed an expectation upon them.  Why I would go as far as to say "no expectation" is an expectation.  (Let it sink in)  In most cases we cannot meet the invisible bar of expectations no matter where they come from, because the bar keeps being raised.  I read in another book this very week, "Disappointments come from expectation."  That is a blog in itself.  I could write circles around that statement.

The sufferings of life is the only factor we have little control over in many if not most instances.  We will lose loved ones, we will suffer illnesses, we may struggle financially, we may be maligned and slandered, and on and on.  Who we blame and how we handle our sufferings are up to us.  I have a friend who has suffered great life altering loss.  She will tell you I am the one to decide every morning when I first awaken how I will live this day ~ in the depths of despair or searching for the joy.

SO ~ here is your take away-  God wants you to live the abundant life through Him.  Seek His counsel, His direction, His presence.  God never compares us and His only expectation is more of a hope or desire that we would seek Him.  God is also present in our suffering.  It has been my experience I am most aware of His presence in my greatest sufferings. 

When I read or hear something that stays with me, it becomes stored up wisdom for future reference.  So thankful for a God Who is always teaching me.

"Blessed is the man whom you chasten, O Lord,

And in whom You teach out of Your Law."

Psalm 94:12